Three months

Well, it's really three months plus 12 days, because I have been writing this post in my head for a while but am only now writing it outside my head.

Dear Baby Girl,

I'm writing you this blog post for multiple reasons.  1) I want to remember as much as I can from these early days (and thus should probably make sure to save this somewhere as more than just a blog post). 2) this is what bloggers do, apparently.  It seems quite the thing to write monthly letters.  So here it is.  It just took til month number three for me to get started.  

The reason it took me til month number three... well.  For months one and two, I was not working, and pretty much was never on my computer.  Yes, I had my phone with me at all times (of course) but I barely even posted on Facebook (by the time you can read this I wonder if you'll know what Facebook is. Or blogs, for that matter. We'll probably be telepathically communicating by then or something. Anyway...).  I was a bit of a zombie, actually, for the first several weeks.  We weren't sleeping a whole lot.  Well, YOU were. You were sleeping a LOT.  Just not in big chunks of time.  And I wasn't sleeping much.  And I was tired.  REALLY tired.  I'm much more human-like now, but still pretty tired.  Baby Girl, you will learn one day when/if you become a mother that all people want to talk about is how much/well the baby is sleeping.  So I will say this: starting about a month ago, you're pretty good at it.  You wake  2 or 3 times a night, but when I feed you, you immediately fall back to sleep without much effort.

You start out in my arms every night, in the living room while Daddy and I watch TV. then I put you in your bassinet next to our bed.  When you wake the first time (after an average of 5-6 hours currently), I take you out of the bassinet to feed you, and usually we both fall asleep like that-- me sitting up, you lying on the nursing pillow, either mid-nursing or with your face snuggled up to your Best Friend, Boob.  The sleeping sitting up thing was hard on me at first, but for my birthday when you were about 6 weeks old, your daddy gave me a bed lounger pillow, and now I am perfectly comfortable. We used to stay that way the rest of the night, but since you were two months old (and I went back to work) we have begun sharing the big bed when you wake up a couple hours later.  You sleep between us, on your back with your arms up by your ears or straight by your sides.  Until you get a little hungry, and then you snuggle up to me on your side, me on my side, tummy to tummy, and you nurse in your half-sleep. Then you go back to sleep, and it is my favorite.  You are so warm and soft and adorable, and your tummy is all full of milk and you have the most perfect contentment on your sweet face. 

You don't really have much interest in the kitties or Max yet-- though you're starting to pay attention when a kitty is nearby and his tail is waving within your eyeline.  Max is very protective of you-- he has started barking-- LOUDLY- which he wasn't much into before.  When we go for walks he will take his post between you and any stranger that might stop to say hello.  Merlin doesn't bother you, and you don't bother him, and I think that's his plan for the foreseeable future. Dobby didn't seem to even flinch when you came into our lives.  He still cuddles me at night, and if you're in the bed he will lay nearby and keep his eye on you. He has been known to put his paw between your head and Daddy's elbow, just in case.  I woke once to find him resting his head, along with one paw, on your tummy.  People ask if I'm worried one of the (very large) cats will lie on you or otherwise hamper your breathing, and I'm just not.  Partially because both cats tend to dart away upon much noise from you at all, and partially because I'm never sleeping too soundly when we're all piled up, and partially because they have never attempted to, and partially (maybe mostly) because I'm not looking to borrow trouble.

In the mornings, when you wake for good, you are the happiest person I have ever known.  Your eyes flutter open, and you look around, and when you see me or Daddy or your Mimi (or the ceiling fan, your other Best Friend) you smile the world's best smile.  You get to stay at home with Mimi while your Daddy and I go to work, and I am so glad that you will get to spend so much time with her.  You two have very full days, usually taking two walks because you love being in your stroller.  It is your favorite thing.  When you are cranky or unsettled, Mimi will put you in your stroller and you will smile that smile again.  Papaw comes with her sometimes, and you are the best of friends.

In the end of September you had your first airplane ride and we went to Wisconsin to visit your Great Grammy and Daddy's other family up there.  You were excellent on the plane, snuggled against me, just sleeping the whole time.  Other than one very hard night (that I think was the result of my eating chili that did agree with my stomach or yours), we did really well in the hotel, and that's when we discovered how nice it is to sleep all together in one bed.

This is getting really long, but it's three months of stuff, so bear with me.

You have a pacifier attached to a giraffe named Winston that has turned out to be a very good friend.  You weren't sure you were interested in the beginning, and I was wary to give you a pacifier anyway, but eventually you decided he was okay.  

You like to watch football on TV, and you are fascinated with what's on our phones, especially videos with music.  You really like to talk, and we have very long conversations of raspberries and bubble blowing.

You were a chili pepper for Halloween.  We went to four houses in the neighborhood just so we could say we did.  You didn't love it.  You just were too tired I think.  But you were super cute... :)

We rarely use your actual name. I call you Sweet Potato, and Pumpkin Pie, and Angel, among others. Daddy calls you Pumpkin Head, or sometimes Hot Dog (I don't know why).  And everybody calls you Baby Girl, which is what we called you while we were waiting for you and we hadn't shared your name with anyone yet.  Speaking of your name, your Daddy found your first name in a book and it made my heart pound and I immediately KNEW.  Your middle name is your Mimi's middle name, and your Great-Granny's middle name, too.  

You like me best right now, and I have to say that while I would like it if Daddy or Mimi could calm and comfort you in your most upset times when I am not home, I love that you just sometimes want me.  When I was waiting for you, I wondered if you'd like me.  I wondered if I'd know what to do for you, and how to make you happy, and what you needed.  Of course, there are times you're just unhappy and even I can't fix it, or you need your Daddy to burp you just right, or your Mimi to sing you a song.  But after a long day of being apart, sometimes you just want me and I just want you.

Speaking of being apart.  I don't like it.  It's about my least favorite thing EVER.  If I could not have a job, Baby Girl, I'd quit today.  Daddy and I are making a plan for that to happen as soon as we can.  I miss you all the time we're not together.  When I come home at the end of the day and you lay your head on my shoulder and I get a big old whiff of your delicious baby smell I wish I could stay in that moment all the time. 

You're the best thing ever, and I love you so much it makes me cry to even type it...

All my heart, Baby Girl,
Momma.

Neglected

As Gayle pointed out to me... I have completely neglected this blog.  I do think most of my readers are also my FB friends so you've seen baby pics (if you're not, shout out!).  But there are things I share here that I would not share on FB, so I do have stuff to tell. :)

I am tired. And this is my third day back at work and I am less than thrilled about it.  Obviously, even if I loved my work I would be sad to leave the world's cutest baby at home, but it's even harder when I feel the way I do feel about work.  Which is that work is STINKY.  And so again, I find myself looking for something more tolerable.  If I'm going to leave my baby behind every day I would at least like to not hate where I'm going.

As for leaving the baby, I'm very very lucky to be leaving her at our home with my mother. I am grateful for that peace of mind.  Mom has been at our house almost every day since the baby was born, hanging out with me while Fella is at work, so they know each other well.  And I know that BG (Baby Girl) has someone that would throw herself in front of a bus for her.  So that helps.

I'll tell the birth story soon (back labor, vomit and C Section oh my!), I just have to finish remembering all of it-- it's coming back to me in bits and pieces.

Here she is, my sweet angel.

Nuttin

I got nothing to report.

There are no signs of any action on baby's part, and I'm just fine with that for now.  I'm not in a hurry.  I still have some stuff to take care of at the house, and in my brain.  I'm good and done at the office, though. :) It could be today... it could be in two weeks.  Who knows.  4 days until estimated due date, and no induction is planned as long as she is doing well...

I'm still feeling pretty good-- I can tell a difference in my back pain, and that's about it, honestly.  I'm not super uncomfortable.  I was pretty tired for a while, but the past few days I've not been (is that nesting? does that mean something?  EVERYTHING MUST BE ANALYZED). Pretty much I'm trying to tie up loose ends, stock the house with various whatever items (better buy toothpaste, might need some in the next million years), think of all the things I might need to think of and take care of...

Just didn't want y'all wondering if anything was up.  I can't promise I'll post something here too soon after she makes her debut, but I'll try (if you're my FB friend, as most of you are I think, you'll know as soon as crucial announcements have been made to family members). 

Month Ten

Well, here I am, good and pregnant, and have been such a negligent blogger.  I know I will probably regret not doing a better job of keeping track of the past several months, but honestly I feel like there's just really not that much to tell.  I know that sounds crazy, but things have been... uneventful. 

I like being pregnant.  I'm happier. I love feeling her move around.  I am going to be sad when I don't have that feeling anymore.  When I don't have her, all to myself, tucked up safe inside where I know where she is and what she's doing at all times.  When I no longer have so much control.

 There is only one reason I want her to come out any earlier than her due date, and that is so I can quit coming to the office. :)

There have been no signs that she's interested in coming out any time soon. I'm not dilated a bit.  Of course, they say that means nothing, I could still go into labor "at any time."  But I'm pretty sure I shouldn't expect her early.  Or on time.

I keep waiting for my nesting instinct to truly kick in, so I get the last little bits of her room finished. There are two pieces of furniture that need to be painted (Fella is supposed to do them, but I made the mistake of letting him know that my mom said that she and my stepdad would paint them if they remained undone when they get to town in 2 weeks, so I don't know if they will get done).  There are a few more of the THINGS that we need to have relatively soon.  Like a bathtub and baby wipes. And a few more of the things that we need less urgently, like extra bases for the car seat so all the baby's various chauffeurs have one. But we have all the things that are, like, REQUIRED.  The car seat, since they won't let us leave the hospital with her otherwise, and it would suck to have to leave her behind.  And we have a place for her to sleep.  And we have clothes, diapers, and boobs. Should be all set.

Can't believe how close it is.  Can't believe I'm about to be somebody's mother.  Can't believe that the whole world is about to morph and change color...

Thirty

Thirty weeks!  Thirty weeks already.  It's going so fast...

I want to clarify that when I said I never thought I'd be a SAHM, it wasn't because I didn't think I'd WANT to be, but because I never thought I'd be able to be.  I just grew up thinking moms worked (unless they were totally wealthy or something) and that's how it would be.  Of course, my own mother did not have that option and so I guess I didn't think of it.  I would LOVE to not work.  But it also scares me, for several reasons, including 1) whether it will be difficult to return to work if/when I want to and 2) depending on a man for income and having no money of my own FREAKS ME RIGHT OUT.  But I would definitely like to consider finding something that is 1) less stressful and 2) allows for part-time.  We shall see.  Fella is of the opinion that if I work for a few more years I could quit work forever, which sounds AWESOME, but I might rather quit for a few years now and go back later when she's in school.  Maybe?  Maybe we'll find a happy part-time medium.

So.  I heard on one of my pregnancy podcasts that you should sing your baby a song every day while you're pregnant, and they will not only know your voice, but the song itself and will recognize it after they are born and you should sing it to them again in the first hour after birth.  So I'm singing "Songbird," every day.  Usually while I'm in the shower (so the baby will probably only recognize it if the water is running, lol) and it just popped into my head when I tried to think of something to be The Song.  I hope she likes it.

We bought a rocker/recliner for the rocking/feeding, and new couches (actually a sectional) because we needed wanted them.  The crib is now assembled, which is a step in the right direction. We are painting the furniture that will go in the nursery next weekend (I've been saying that for a few weekends now, but really and truly NEXT WEEKEND), and the only thing we absolutely, desperately NEED is a car seat, since they won't let us take her home from the hospital without one. 

10 weeks to go...

Third

Third trimester, that is.

It's here. I can't believe it. This is going by too quickly.

I still feel pretty good. I've noticed an uptick in Tums consumption, I'm a little extra tired, my back hurts at night, and suddenly my work desk chair that has always been perfectly fine has started being uncomfortable (for my rear, not my back). Otherwise, no major complaints.  Oh! And restless leg.  Other than THAT, no major complaints.

My rate of weight gain has really picked up over the past couple weeks, but I'm still within the rough guidelines my doctor gave me.  I already have concerns about having a huge baby (please see Fella's birth weight of 10 lbs 12 oz) so I have been trying not to gain too much. 

I still haven't done the nursery.  It has always seemed we have had plenty of time, and now I'm suddenly quite anxious about it. Fella promises we will take care of it over Memorial Day weekend.  We need to paint furniture and put the crib together and move some non-baby stuff out of her room.  

I'm losing interest in work altogether.  Not a good sign for how well I'll be able to focus when she's here. Being a stay at home mom is not something I ever thought I'd be able do-- my whole life, I just assumed I would always work, and it's not still not anyone's first choice for our finances.  But considering how every morning I always wish I could stay home with Max and the kitties I can only imagine it will be worse when it's an actual human baby...

Otherwise life is just moving along... sometimes I feel like we're just sitting on the tracks and a train's coming through.  In 81 days. Give or take. 

Fail

Well.  I am a complete failure at even the blogging once a week thing. Remember when I posted multiple times a day? 

Anyway, I guess though there is a lot to tell, there's not much to tell.  Pregnancy is going smoothly, I am incredibly lucky in that regard.  My back hurts a little, yeah yeah, and pooping would be nice, but whatever.  I'm just along for the ride here, and it's not been a bumpy one.  We've chosen a doula, we take our babymoon this week, baby bedding has been delivered (though not unpacked, because the crib is still not put together and there is still a guest bed in the baby's room) and things are moving right along.  I can't believe that I'm almost done with my second trimester.  The time has gone really quickly.  And I don't want it to.

I like being pregnant (for the moment, I know, the third trimester will be different, especially the end, but I like it for now). I'm not anxious (way less than during wedding planning), I'm not physically uncomfortable, strangers smile at me in public, other attorneys are unusually nice to me, my friends and co-workers are overly accommodating when it comes to carrying things/taking the only chair/choosing the restaurant...I've gained exactly along the weight guidelines my doctor gave me at the beginning, I passed my glucose screen with flying colors, the baby is measuring right and kicking right and and doing EVERYTHING right so far (thank you God); I am pretty good at this pregnant thing.  I am a pregnancy ROCK STAR.  This thing, I got it handled, at least so far.  Now, when she comes OUT, that part will not be so easy to master, so can't she just stay in there? 

Oh Boy

It's a girl. :)

Funny, I spent the past four months convincing myself that a boy would be okay, boys are as awesome as girls, boys are BETTER than girls, that by the time I found out it was a girl I was confused and didn't know how to feel! 

Fella wanted a boy, I know, but he's still tickled (pink) and was already talking about how she's going to be Daddy's Girl. 

Speaking of Daddy's girl... One of the things I had thought about (at the suggestion of my counselor) in this whole "a boy would still be good" conversation with myself is that having a boy would allow me to reconcile some of the feelings I have about my own absent father and males in general, and would allow me to have a hand in raising a man that would potentially be a good father one day. To right the my father's wrong, so to speak.  In the doctor's office yesterday, I realized that having a daughter gives me the opportunity to give to her the one thing I did not have, because I know that no matter what happens, my little girl will always have her daddy.

I cried when I first thought that, when I told the story later to P, and again right now.  Hormones are crazy things, y'all.

Update

Tomorrow we find out the sex of the baby.  I can't believe it's already time, the time is FLYING and I haven't done much to get ready-- the room that will be the nursery hasn't been touched.  I have not bought a speck of baby clothes-- though I did buy some adorable little shoes, a changing pad/cover, jogging stroller and diaper bag at a consignment sale.  That's it. I am building quite the maternity clothes collection. It'll be easier to really feel like it's actually happening when I know the sex.  I think.

There's a lot of organizing I feel like I need to do at the house first, cleaning out and giving away and moving things around.  I haven't felt much like doing anything at all, but now the nausea seems to have finally past. Though I've been dealing with an upper respiratory thing for about three weeks which has made me less than eager to start stirring up dust in the attic.  Still, I need to do it before I get too big and exhausted to even try.

My peeps (parents, sister, BIL, niece) are coming for Easter, and I am excited about that. :) Haven't seen my sister since Thanksgiving and she is bringing me lots of baby stuff and we can go to the baby store and touch all the little tiny things and squeal together. :) 

It is March and I love college basketball, as you know, and Fella promised that if the Tigers make the Final Four we will go.  Of course, he did this because he is pretty certain that the Tigers will not make the Final Four... but I thought it would make an excellent babymoon trip. :)  So, GO TIGERS!

HOLY CRAP

In 159 days (approximately) I will be someone's MOTHER.  This is BLOWING MY MIND.

That is all.

Sex

Not that kind of sex, you perverts.  Gender sex.  I'm told "sex" is the properly used word in this case, as gender does not always match one's biological parts, and right now this fetus does not have a gender identity. Anyway.

It's 3 weeks til I find out the flavor of this alien in my belleh.  I think it's a boy.  I dreamed it was a boy, and I've had this feeling it's a boy.

But I'm not gonna lie.  I want it to be a girl.

I've decided this is because there weren't boys in my house.  Just my sister and I, we didn't have brothers, boys were foreign. Especially considering for some period it was just my mom, my sister, and me-- no boys allowed. Add to that my parents' nine grandchildren (my step-brothers have four kids each) and only one of the nine is male-- does that mean they're due for grandson, or does it mean we make girls in this family?  Whatever it means, it never crossed my mind that I might one day be mother to a boy.

My friends tell me boys are easier.  I have one friend with two of each, ranging in age from 18 to 5. She swears boys are, by far, easier- less drama, less mystery.

I say, boys get dirty and break things and bring frogs in the house.

One of my friends swears that little boys love their mothers, and are sweet and loving.

I say, boys are loud and boisterous and like to blow things up and then become teenagers and leave you to go hang out at some girl's house.

Of course, I will get what I get, and it's not like I'll cry (I don't think).  I will be happy with whatever baby I am lucky enough to have, especially if s/he is healthy and happy.  

But I never imagined a baby boy in all those imaginary pink dresses.

Knocked Up

So here's how it happened.

Actually, I'm gonna assume you all know HOW it happened, so I'll skip that part and get to the other stuff.

We had been trying since the wedding, and every month I was convinced I would get a positive pregnancy test, and every month I did not. I was taking my temperature, peeing on sticks for ovulation predictor kits as well as for my fertility monitor, and becoming best friends with my cervix.  Still with no positive pregnancy test. 

I am a control freak, and I am 38, so even though it hadn't been THAT long, I got impatient and called the fertility doctor in September.  I took the earliest available appointment, and it was set for the 29th of November. 

In November, I was not remotely optimistic.  For whatever reasons, I just didn't think it was the month. Every other month I'd thought was the month, but not this time.  In my head I was already thinking that if it happened in December, I'd be due on Labor Day and wouldn't that be cute.  I'm still not quite sure why I even bothered to take the pregnancy test that day (November 27th, two days before the fertility doctor appointment), but I did, and low and behold the damn thing was positive.  I took a couple, including the digital one that is impossible to misread.  And there you have it.  

It took a while for me to believe it, and to some degree I still don't.  For weeks I kept waiting for it to "go away."  I didn't tell anyone but Fella for a long while-- and then I only told my friend/boss in explanation for how I always seemed to want a nap.  I made it through Christmas with Fella's parents and another visit from them two weeks later without revealing the truth, and we finally told both sets of parents a couple weeks ago when mine came to visit.  

I don't still think something will happen, that it will go away.  But it's still not real either.

Even though I've seen this. This alien creature that apparently is IN MY BELLEH.

As for me: I've been feeling nauseated, but not vomiting. Yet (knock on wood). Considering my co-worker likes to remind me she didn't start puking til her second trimester...  Also, exhausted, which is waning now.  Now, I've got the HUNGRY.  I'm always HUNGRY.  And when I am HUNGRY there is nothing I can think about besides the fact that I am HUNGRY.  And sometimes the HUNGRY gets mixed in and confused with nausea, and I can't really tell which is which. I've been pretty lucky, though, considering, and I'm grateful for that.

I've got another 5 weeks til the big gender reveal, and in the meantime need to be figuring out all kinds of things.  I have not purchased a single baby type item, though I have bought quite a few Knocked Up Sadie items.  Got a lot of things to buy, a lot of things to think about, and a lot of things to wrap my disbelieving head around.

And keep reminding myself that I can do this thing. This big giant motherhood thing that scares that crap out of me.  Perhaps that's for another post...

In the meantime, have a sleepy dog.

Liar

I have lied to you, my readers.

There may be only a very small number of you now that I've pretty much abandoned this blog over time, but I know there are still a couple.  And I've lied to you.

In my earliest posts this month, I lied by omission.

In this post, I flat out lied when I said there's not much to say.

Cause there's a lot to say.

There's this. This happened. Back around Thanksgiving.

 

Oh, and this. This was last week.

So... yeah.  Just a little bit going on. 

Expected debut August 3, 2013.

Signed,
Sadie Sadie Pregnant Lady.  :)

p.s. If we are FB friends, please don't mention it there until I do.  Not broadcasting it there yet. Just feels too weird to do that, but I did need a place to talk about it, so that's why I'm announcing it here... 

Critters

Per Desert Songbird's request for an update on Max, I provide the following:

A napping dog on a lazy afternoon.

Not to be neglected, I had to also post a pic of Big Kitty himself. Mr. Merlin, sharing a cuddle on the couch.

Not much to say today, working on a longer post to have out asap...

fifty-two

Inspired by my friend Andria over at Boy Crazy, I'm gonna try to post fifty-two times this year.  I will ATTEMPT to do so by posting once a week, but just in case I can't swing it I'm going to give myself the flexibility.

If I have to post fifty in the last week of the year that'll be tough.  :)

Upon Gayle's request, here's a couple pics of Alaska  (psst, Gayle, you know these are all on fb, right?).

This here's a glacier.  It's really big.  And it was cold and rainy and yucky that day, but it was still pretty cool.

And this here's just pretty.

The thing about January is, I feel hungover from the holidays, but work just keeps going.  The way I worked every file I have into the ground to finish the year left me a little shy on actual work to do, but there's always something.  Why doesn't work understand that I need a few weeks to recover?  Sigh.  It's a little slower than normal, which is somewhat nice.  But things just keep coming, Mondays always come around, and clients never really go away forever...  I'm taking of Martin Luther King, Jr Day (even though it's not a holiday for me) because I want it to be a holiday.  And it is a holiday for Fella. And my parents are coming to visit and so I need to be off anyway.

Wonder how often I can make that happen? ;)

This little fella, my sweet Dobby, joined my heart six years ago this week... and my goodness I can't imagine life without him. He is the sweetest, cuddliest, nose-lickingest 17 pound cat in the land. And has proven to be a great friend for Merlin, a.k.a. Big Kitty. Love you, baby boy.

2013

Oh my dear Lord I have not written in nearly 6 months. New Year's Resolution: get back into the habit of writing.

Super fast updates:

I never really went back to Bikram .  I went a couple times in the summer, but really after the wedding my motivation was gone. I do need to do something, but I felt like Bikram took too much time from my day (90-minute class, followed by required shower).  I need a shorter less sweaty option.

My ex-husband (who recently divorced the wife after me) has remarried.  Poor girl.

In September Fella and I cruised Alaska with my people (my parents, my sister, BIL, and niece). It was lovely,  but I did not see whales or bears or moose.  The glaciers are incredible and worth the whole trip.


Fella and I spent our first married Thanksgiving with my fam in Charlotte, Christmas with his at our house, and New Year's Eve with friends also in Memphis. 

Work is work.  I busted my patoot  from October through the end of the year to make up for my low production this year (due to wedding-planning, honeymooning, and Alaskan cruising), but managed to make my yearly requirement with a day to spare.

Hope everyone's new year is off to a good start, and hopefully there are still some of you out there. :)