Three months

Well, it's really three months plus 12 days, because I have been writing this post in my head for a while but am only now writing it outside my head.

Dear Baby Girl,

I'm writing you this blog post for multiple reasons.  1) I want to remember as much as I can from these early days (and thus should probably make sure to save this somewhere as more than just a blog post). 2) this is what bloggers do, apparently.  It seems quite the thing to write monthly letters.  So here it is.  It just took til month number three for me to get started.  

The reason it took me til month number three... well.  For months one and two, I was not working, and pretty much was never on my computer.  Yes, I had my phone with me at all times (of course) but I barely even posted on Facebook (by the time you can read this I wonder if you'll know what Facebook is. Or blogs, for that matter. We'll probably be telepathically communicating by then or something. Anyway...).  I was a bit of a zombie, actually, for the first several weeks.  We weren't sleeping a whole lot.  Well, YOU were. You were sleeping a LOT.  Just not in big chunks of time.  And I wasn't sleeping much.  And I was tired.  REALLY tired.  I'm much more human-like now, but still pretty tired.  Baby Girl, you will learn one day when/if you become a mother that all people want to talk about is how much/well the baby is sleeping.  So I will say this: starting about a month ago, you're pretty good at it.  You wake  2 or 3 times a night, but when I feed you, you immediately fall back to sleep without much effort.

You start out in my arms every night, in the living room while Daddy and I watch TV. then I put you in your bassinet next to our bed.  When you wake the first time (after an average of 5-6 hours currently), I take you out of the bassinet to feed you, and usually we both fall asleep like that-- me sitting up, you lying on the nursing pillow, either mid-nursing or with your face snuggled up to your Best Friend, Boob.  The sleeping sitting up thing was hard on me at first, but for my birthday when you were about 6 weeks old, your daddy gave me a bed lounger pillow, and now I am perfectly comfortable. We used to stay that way the rest of the night, but since you were two months old (and I went back to work) we have begun sharing the big bed when you wake up a couple hours later.  You sleep between us, on your back with your arms up by your ears or straight by your sides.  Until you get a little hungry, and then you snuggle up to me on your side, me on my side, tummy to tummy, and you nurse in your half-sleep. Then you go back to sleep, and it is my favorite.  You are so warm and soft and adorable, and your tummy is all full of milk and you have the most perfect contentment on your sweet face. 

You don't really have much interest in the kitties or Max yet-- though you're starting to pay attention when a kitty is nearby and his tail is waving within your eyeline.  Max is very protective of you-- he has started barking-- LOUDLY- which he wasn't much into before.  When we go for walks he will take his post between you and any stranger that might stop to say hello.  Merlin doesn't bother you, and you don't bother him, and I think that's his plan for the foreseeable future. Dobby didn't seem to even flinch when you came into our lives.  He still cuddles me at night, and if you're in the bed he will lay nearby and keep his eye on you. He has been known to put his paw between your head and Daddy's elbow, just in case.  I woke once to find him resting his head, along with one paw, on your tummy.  People ask if I'm worried one of the (very large) cats will lie on you or otherwise hamper your breathing, and I'm just not.  Partially because both cats tend to dart away upon much noise from you at all, and partially because I'm never sleeping too soundly when we're all piled up, and partially because they have never attempted to, and partially (maybe mostly) because I'm not looking to borrow trouble.

In the mornings, when you wake for good, you are the happiest person I have ever known.  Your eyes flutter open, and you look around, and when you see me or Daddy or your Mimi (or the ceiling fan, your other Best Friend) you smile the world's best smile.  You get to stay at home with Mimi while your Daddy and I go to work, and I am so glad that you will get to spend so much time with her.  You two have very full days, usually taking two walks because you love being in your stroller.  It is your favorite thing.  When you are cranky or unsettled, Mimi will put you in your stroller and you will smile that smile again.  Papaw comes with her sometimes, and you are the best of friends.

In the end of September you had your first airplane ride and we went to Wisconsin to visit your Great Grammy and Daddy's other family up there.  You were excellent on the plane, snuggled against me, just sleeping the whole time.  Other than one very hard night (that I think was the result of my eating chili that did agree with my stomach or yours), we did really well in the hotel, and that's when we discovered how nice it is to sleep all together in one bed.

This is getting really long, but it's three months of stuff, so bear with me.

You have a pacifier attached to a giraffe named Winston that has turned out to be a very good friend.  You weren't sure you were interested in the beginning, and I was wary to give you a pacifier anyway, but eventually you decided he was okay.  

You like to watch football on TV, and you are fascinated with what's on our phones, especially videos with music.  You really like to talk, and we have very long conversations of raspberries and bubble blowing.

You were a chili pepper for Halloween.  We went to four houses in the neighborhood just so we could say we did.  You didn't love it.  You just were too tired I think.  But you were super cute... :)

We rarely use your actual name. I call you Sweet Potato, and Pumpkin Pie, and Angel, among others. Daddy calls you Pumpkin Head, or sometimes Hot Dog (I don't know why).  And everybody calls you Baby Girl, which is what we called you while we were waiting for you and we hadn't shared your name with anyone yet.  Speaking of your name, your Daddy found your first name in a book and it made my heart pound and I immediately KNEW.  Your middle name is your Mimi's middle name, and your Great-Granny's middle name, too.  

You like me best right now, and I have to say that while I would like it if Daddy or Mimi could calm and comfort you in your most upset times when I am not home, I love that you just sometimes want me.  When I was waiting for you, I wondered if you'd like me.  I wondered if I'd know what to do for you, and how to make you happy, and what you needed.  Of course, there are times you're just unhappy and even I can't fix it, or you need your Daddy to burp you just right, or your Mimi to sing you a song.  But after a long day of being apart, sometimes you just want me and I just want you.

Speaking of being apart.  I don't like it.  It's about my least favorite thing EVER.  If I could not have a job, Baby Girl, I'd quit today.  Daddy and I are making a plan for that to happen as soon as we can.  I miss you all the time we're not together.  When I come home at the end of the day and you lay your head on my shoulder and I get a big old whiff of your delicious baby smell I wish I could stay in that moment all the time. 

You're the best thing ever, and I love you so much it makes me cry to even type it...

All my heart, Baby Girl,
Momma.