So. This morning I read this post on one of my favorite blogs, Boobs, Injuries, and Dr. Pepper.
And it made me wonder. Not that my situation and Crystal's are the same, they are quite different... but it was similar enough to make me think... Back when my life was a ruckus... when my (now ex) husband was having an affair... should I have posted about it?
I'll tell you why I didn't... My mother and sister read my blog, and I didn't want them to know what was going on (I didn't want them to hate him, in case he and I worked it out). Also, I knew that my husband's girlfriend and her friends read this blog, and I didn't want to feed them any information. About my marriage, my life, my self. I got a few mean nasty comments from them on unrelated posts, so I figured that anything I wrote about the affair wouldn't have been taken well. And the last thing I needed at the time was to be attacked. I found myself writing posts with the intent of showing that they weren't getting to me. That's why I started a "secret" blog at one point... to try to maintain my ability to truthfully blog. But along the way I lost the love of blogging... it had just become tainted.
Later I wished I had told the truth... maybe if the girlfriend and I had shared information, even if only by her reading my blog, he would have gotten away with less bullshit along the way. Maybe not, but maybe I would have felt more like a strong woman instead of an emotionally abused victim.
By the way... VERY few people knew what was happening with me. I did not tell my family, or even my VERY BEST FRIEND (who was also getting "weird" comments and had no idea why). So the only people that really knew were HER friends. I told a few people on an message board I visited every day, and one work friend, and it probably saved my sanity. Now, of course, everybody knows. Many people are still flummoxed about why I stayed so long, why I put up with so much. And I don't have a good answer for that. Or much of an answer at all.
I'm not going to get into details about it now. It's all past... She and I have forged a relationship of a sort. She has apologized to me, and I told her that what happened wasn't okay, would never be okay, but I accepted her apology. But I did want to talk about what I was feeling TODAY. I'm going to try to get back into that habit. Blogging was so much fun, and I want it to be again.
8 comments:
Hugs, Sadie... I'm glad you're finally able to talk about it openly. Just know we love and appreciate you no matter what!
wow... look how far you've come!
Yep, I was one of those friends that read. I'm sure you knew that. But, I wasn't one of those who left a nasty comment. I don't know if you knew that. I was just nosey, I admit that!
Sterlingirl, I did know that.
I should say that the nasty commenters (all but one) eventually apologized for said nasty comments...
And I don't blame ANYONE for being nosy... I was reading all of your blogs too.
Lois,
Thanks. :) You were a big help the whole way, and I appreciate it.
I have been reading your blog for years. And I have to say, I think you did it right. Some things are too personal and too painful to be shared with strangers. My unfaithful husband was before blogs, but I only told about 2 people and did not share with my family, for the same reason. You know... Maybe we will work it out.
So, no, I don't think you should have aired all your personal problems in public. It makes interesting reading, but leaves you too open and vulnerable. And any unkind comment or thought makes the pain that much worse.
Down the road, it is good to look back and not regret actions or words.
To blog anonymously and/or privately or to do so openly with pride. Those are the million dollar questions. You know how I feel about it. You have come a long way, and I applaud your courage and perseverance. Keep on doing what makes you happy. You're doing the right thing.
Hey Sadie
I'm sorry you had to go through that, and mostly in silence. I have to say that as much as it sickened me to have to post something so nasty to get her to leave us alone, the relief of doing so was ENORMOUS. I got so much crap for doing what I did and the fact that he had made a mistake, too, was eating me alive inside. It was definitely cathartic.
much love,
Crystal
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