Monday, August 17, 2009

So...

Not much is happening. And this post may be all over the place, my brain is jumping around.

I actually like my job, though the pay is really really low. I'm going to start writing wills on the side for extry money. Anybody need one? Also might get a part time job in the winter for extra money and hopefully a ski pass.

I've been thinking a lot about things. About the place I live, and what it is about it that has sucked me in and seduced me so much. And no, I haven't figured out what it is. One thing I've been thinking lately is it's not so much about getting to the future here. It's just about living right now. And while this is concept I have a lot of trouble with, I'm fascinated by it. I like it. And I'm trying to adopt it... but I'm also tugged by thoughts about how long I can keep up this lifestyle, etc. And of course there's a difference in being present in the moment and ignoring the need to plan for the future. I've got some thoughts about what I may do, but I'm not ready to publicly share them yet.

The mornings here are already chilly. Below 40 for overnight lows. Crisp fall air is sneaking in, and I love it. Many people around here are sad to see summer go, but fall is my favorite. Can't wait to wear tights and boots and sweaters and scarves, and watch football games. I was standing outside last night, listening to the aspen leaves rattle. They make such a different sound from other leaves. It's because they have flat stems or some such thing. But anyway... I just love the way that sounds. And the stars, with the twinkling. And they shoot across the sky all the time. I don't think I'd ever seen a shooting star before I came here.

It feels funny to fawn over the nature. I don't bike or really hike (I've done ONE this summer) and I'm not outdoorsy at all. But I've never in my life just enjoyed being outside. Don't get me wrong, I'm still the couch potato you've come to know. I spend more time inside than out. But I do like being outside here. Of course, the low humidity helps a lot.

Speaking of low humidity, I recently found this in-shower lotion (not body wash, it's actual LOTION) and I love it so far. Thought I'd share for you readers in dry locations.

Thanks for all the responses to my last post. It was interesting to read what everybody thought. I don't regret the way I handled things then, because I believe that whether I shared or not I was going to end up divorced, so it doesn't make that much difference. Calling people out and getting ugly wouldn't have helped. And I might share a thing or two along the way, I'm still dealing with it all, sorting out my feelings, and figuring out how to make myself stronger.

I'm trying to talk to the Universe, manifest the life I want, appreciate the life I have... and I do have a lot to be grateful for. I am happy, really, which may seem strange given the circumstances of my recent past. I have a great roommate who is a great friend, pets that I love, good friends, a loving healthy family, a roof over my head and food in my belly. For the first time I can remember (really) I'm not daydreaming about finding a man. While I'd love to get paid more at my job (and who wouldn't?) I like my life. And that's the best thing ever, isn't it.

4 comments:

Lois Grebowski said...

It's a gift to be able to llive in the here and now. Embrace it and enjoy. Not everyone can do that.

I can't...

HUGS!

Desert Songbird said...

Living in the now...that's difficult for a lot of people. And trying to figure out why you love where you are? That's nigh impossible. I say since you are embracing the "now" of your life, you need to embrace the "where" as well. The soul knows what it wants and needs; it sounds to me like yours has. Go with the flow.

Oh, and yes, we need a will, but hubby won't admit that. He thinks that by making a will, he's courting death. Silly man.

Gayle said...

I really love you and your outlook. I think you are embracing the present and not regretting the past, and not over anxious for the future. It's not your longtime gig, but you can make it a while, and you are starting to sound whole again. It is all falling into place. I think one more good winter there will help you get to where you need to be.

And yes, as a matter of fact, I do need a simple will in TN.

Katie said...

I can't wait to hug you next month!!!