Conversations with P, my therapist, and my sister have led me to realize that I have no idea how to tell what's the difference between an adult, healthy relationship-- and just settling.
In my adult life, I've not had a relationship (until now) in which I was the pursued, not the pursuer. I've never felt secure in myself enough to sit back and let the guy do the work. I've always had this desperation thing going on, this neediness, that resulted in crazy intense feelings and the conviction that I REQUIRED this person in order to continue my life.
Obviously, I didn't require anyone, because those someones are all gone and I'm quite fine, thank you.
So now I don't feel that way. I like Fella. When he's not around, I'm thinking about him. When something happens, I want to tell him about it. There are a lot of really good things about him, reasons he's awesome- and a big one is that he thinks I'm awesome. But... I don't have that feeling- that crazy intense, desperate, all-encompassing NEED to be with him all the time. In fact, sometimes I prefer to be alone. Sometimes he gets on my nerves. I'm quite certain sometimes I get on his, and I don't bend over backwards to prevent it.
People keep telling me that this is a mature, adult, healthy way to feel. That this is what it's supposed to be like. But how the hell would I know.