Thursday, January 07, 2010


The other day I mentioned a man with whom I had more chemistry than should be possible.

He worked at the golf club with me, as a fishing guide. P mentioned him to me first, as he worked in the same department as her boyfriend Todd. She referred to him as "the hot fishing guide." At that point I had not noticed him, and looking back I don't know how that's possible, because he insists we had seen each other before.

One day I was riding in a golf cart down to my car, when he passed the other direction in a cart of his own. The woman with whom I was riding waved to him (she worked with him and Todd). I asked her his name, and she told me it was Jake.

That night I was home, doing nothing exciting, when P called from the bar where she worked a second job and asked me to come visit. It was slow and she was bored. Seeing as I'm not the type of girl to turn down an opportunity for nachos, I obliged. Sitting at the bar, eating my nachos, watching ESPN, I was totally in my own world when I heard someone call my name.

I glanced over and saw two guys sitting together at a table. The one that had called out to me looked vaguely familiar, but I knew he also worked at the club. He knew my name, but I couldn't remember his. He invited me to join them and so I did. I sat down across from the other man, and that's when I realized it was Jake. And "hot fishing guide" is an understatement.

I still cannot quite figure out what it was about his eyes, but they were piercing. His naturally olive skin tanned from all the fishing, his perfectly straight teeth sparkled when he smiled. His smile... was amazing. And turned my entire body to jello. And his curls. Oh sweet Lord, his dark curly hair.

He loved my Southern accent, which immediately intensified. P and Todd joined us, and the original guy who knew me left. We talked at that table for hours, with him looking into my eyes while the conversation was happening around us.

I can't say I'm exactly sure how he ended up following me home that night. I do remember crashing my ex-husband's truck into a low brick wall in the parking lot because I was driving, with no lights on, while texting P frantically that he was coming home with me. And that was that.

We spent the summer having phone conversations for hours (and I HATE the phone, I truly do), laughing, and (apologies to my Mom and sister) ripping each other's clothes off. We couldn't keep our hands off each other.

My ex and I had JUST split, and he had just broken up with a long-term girlfriend. We didn't plan the future. We didn't call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. In fact, at work, we didn't expose our relationship, although it didn't take long for everyone to know it. It was enough for someone to see the smile on my face when he walked past my desk, much less if he had time to stop and talk. He took me fishing. I watched him tie flies for hours. He cooked me dinner. I helped him plan his own shop.

He loves to fish. More than I love doing ANYTHING. I was so envious of that- his complete and secure knowledge of what he was born to do. Watching him teach people to fish was endearing, and watching him wrestle a huge trout of the river was oddly, unbelievably, sexy. But watching someone do something they love to do, and something they do very well... that's hot, right? Anyway.

Jake was hot. He made me feel hot. It was, in a word, hot.

And then the summer ended, and I knew he would be leaving. He spends the winter in another place. We didn't discuss what would happen. And he was gone.

We talked on the phone, we texted... and then it faded away. I hadn't heard from him in about a month when a co-worker mentioned to me that he'd received an invitation to Jake's wedding.

He had reunited with the old girlfriend and they had decided to immediately get married (and are now expecting a baby). He came to town and told me himself a week later. A friend that attended the wedding gave me all the details, and though I did not expect to, I cried. We've tried to be friends since, he was back this summer. It just doesn't work. I can't do it. I can't be in his physical presence without wanting to touch him. And our conversations tend to turn to reminiscing into old times, which is not something I want to talk about with him...

So that's that. That chapter is closed. But now, I'm dangerous. I know that type of chemistry is out there. And I will find it again.


secret agent woman said...

Once you have had it, it's hard to settle for less.

Desert Songbird said...

Chemistry can be a very dangerous thing. It is intoxicating. What one needs to remember is that it is just that - chemistry. It CAN happen with people that are not right for us. I found that out, the hard way.