Perfection

I'm reading Perfection by Julie Metz.

Metz had a picture-perfect life until her husband died suddenly.  Afterward, she learned he had cheated through much of their marriage.  I'm only a third of the way through this book, but it's already striking such a chord with me.

Her husband had Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  He had a constant need for attention.  "Do you still think I'm handsome?" he'd ask.  He sought other women to fulfill the requirement for admiration.  Entitled. Exploitative.  Non-empathetic. 

God, he's my ex-husband.

Never satisfied.  Feeling affront when his specialness goes unrecognized. Jealous of attention paid to pets or friends. Offended when not permitted his own way.  Hurt when taken to task for misdeeds.  Appalled by my lack of compassion when distressed after he fought with his mistress. Disappointed in my lack of forgiveness despite his telling "the truth." Unashamed of lie after lie told in service to his self-image.

It's so much easier to recognize in someone else's husband than it is your own.  Until you look back on it in amazement at your own blindness.