Rededication

I have failed, and miserably so, at the exercise and organize self-challenge.

I did a good job for a while with keeping neat what I had already organized, but now even that has fallen apart. My bedroom is now causing me anxiety every time I walk into it. I have GOT to get it under control in the next few days or I may go more than a little bit crazy. I did the seasonal clothes swap-out, and ended up not getting everything where it belonged, so I still have a box of winter clothes that needs to be put away, along with the clothes I've worn for the past week or so getting piled on top of that box rather than hung in the closet. I'm a slacker.

And exercise? Just no. Not even. I was doing pretty well for a while but there's no use even pretending anymore. I've GOT to get back in the habit, I am so miserably out of shape.

I'm not giving up though. I felt sooo much better with an organized space, if I can get it back under control I'll work harder at keeping it that way. And I've got less than 2 months to ski season, if I'm going to be able to do any good at all I'd better get into a little bit better shape.

So, here we go again. Starting today. At least I'm gonna try...

Meme

Found on The Ice Box...

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Coke. Nauseated today, trying to fend it off with bubbles and high fructose corn syrup.

2. Where was your profile picture taken? My blogger profile picture? I have no clue. I found it on the interwebs.

3. Can you play Guitar Hero? I have never tried, and therefore I guess that no, I can't.

4. Name someone who made you laugh today. What was it about? I laughed this morning at a co-worker who is a certified conspiracy theorist. We talk politics a lot. It's always amusing.

5. How late did you stay up last night and why? I was in bed at 9:45pm, asleep around 10:30, I'd guess. My alarm goes off at 6am.

6. If you could move somewhere else where would you and why? The beach.

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? Yeah.

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you? Pebbles' bedroom is on the other side of the living room.

9. Do you believe ex's can be friends? With benefits? Yes, and I don't know, that would be tough and depend on both people really wanting ONLY that.

10. Do you like Dr. Pepper? Eh.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard? I vaguely remember crying really hard sometime recently and for the life of me can't remember why. Must've been off my meds. ;)

12. Who took your profile picture? See #2.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? I'm not sure. Probably Pebbles.

14. Was yesterday better than today? Why? No. Yesterday I was off work. Today I am not.

15. Can you live a day without TV? Yes, absolutely. I've done it recently between cable and satellite. I had enough though.

16. Are you upset about anything now? Not upset. A little bummed, but I'm cool.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? Yup.

18. Are you a bad influence? I used to be. Don't think I still am.

19. Night out or night in? Night in. Almost always.

20. What items could you not go without during the day? iPhone. Burt's Bees lip balm. Sunglasses if I have to go outside. That's it.

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? My cousin. He was in a horrible accident.

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? "I'm sorry I'm a lazy bum" from Pebbles. We planned to carpool this morning but she didn't feel like getting up as early as I have to. Can't blame her.

23. How do you feel about your life right now? You know, financially things could be a lot better. But otherwise, I can't complain.

24. Do you hate anyone? Not really.

25. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find? Old messages all read.

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? Yep.

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? Not that I can think of.

28. What song is stuck in your head? Right now, actually there's not one. Which is highly unusual.

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2 a.m., whom do you want it to be? Santa (stolen from Songbird b/c that is an awesome answer)

30. Do you (or did you) want to have grandkids before you’re 50? Lord no. I'm 35 and childless.

31. Tell us your Saturday night. I worked Saturday night.

32. Do you think too much or too little? Hmmm. I dunno. Depends on the topic of thought, I'd say.

33. Do you smile a lot? Yes, it's my job.

Decade

I've written a little about my lack of interest in dating lately, but I realized today that I have not been single in over ten years. I understand that is not a long time necessarily, but for me it just feels... like eternity. When I was last single, I was 24 years old. Just graduated college, starting law school. Not really an adult (am I now?). It's no wonder I don't know who the hell I am. It's interesting for me, given my recent realization that for the first time EVER (seriously, ever) I'm not looking for a boyfriend. It's not that I made a conscious decision to not date anyone, I just came to the realization that I don't want to. This is seriously a major milestone for me, and that may sound silly.

I'm not that girl that always had a boyfriend, at all. But I was that girl that always WANTED a boyfriend. I can't remember a time that I wasn't daydreaming about a guy. A specific guy, a famous guy, an imaginary guy that I just knew I would meet soon, there had to be a guy. Lately, I can't even imagine having a boyfriend. I'm not thinking about anyone. I'm not imagining meeting someone. I'm not daydreaming about finding someone.

It's WEIRD. And it's GREAT. I feel more powerful than ever, because for once I have the power-- I'm not handing it over to any man that comes along. I also feel more attractive than ever, because instead of thinking about getting a guy to notice me, I'm realizing that they do. It is so liberating to not worry about whether I'm going to get a date. Who cares? Not me. Not anymore.

I know I'll change my mind on this. One day I'll meet somebody that will make me reconsider my "no relationship" position. Or I'll realize one day that I am in fact ready, just as I have now realized I'm not. And that will be a good day too. But for now, only needing myself, my friends, and my family, I feel so much stronger and healthier and happier than I ever have.

Divorce can be a good thing when it allows you to realize that you're not defined by someone else. Especially when the someone else is a lying, cheating, narcissistic asshole.

Did I say that out loud? ;)

Birthday

So, today's my birthday. And just for fun, I was re-reading the first birthday post I ever did, back in 2006, 100 Things About Me. I've edited it along the way since then, removing references to my ex-husband. Now I kinda wish I didn't. It was who I was on that day, and now that picture of me at that time is gone. Many of the other things are different now, as well, as time does march on. So maybe I should do a new list to update some things. I'll stop at ten, cause I don't have time to get to 100 before my birthday is over. Maybe I'll work on adding to this list over the next few days.

1. I no longer own cars named Bruiser and Harriet. Now I am the proud owner of Charlie, a Honda CR-V.
2. I still like the way Merlin smells. Dobby smells different. Not bad, certainly, just doesn't have that same scent.
3. I've discovered that I don't mind being barefoot anymore. I think it has to do with the difference in hardwoods and carpet.
4. I'm still non-confrontational, but I'm definitely getting better at standing up for myself, and I'm FAR better at walking away and not giving a damn.
5. Haven't been much into Hot Tamales in a while. I have discovered actual tamales made by a Mexican lady at my work are HEAVEN.
6. I have a new-found love of tacos. Like at home, Ole El Paso tacos. I've always LIKED them, but recently have come to know true love.
7. I really did like Memphis. Still do. I miss it. But I truly don't feel an urge to move back.
8. I am madly in love with Colorado.
9. I still would like to learn about photography. I have checked out a few books from the library and am reading websites to learn how to use the camera I already have (aside from just "auto") and someday I hope to have a nice DSLR.
10. I don't have to watch TV before bed anymore. I had no cable in the bedroom for a while, and I was reading NEWSWEEK every night before bed, and that worked. But I do have to read or listen to something that will distract me from my own brain.