Nuttin

I got nothing to report.

There are no signs of any action on baby's part, and I'm just fine with that for now.  I'm not in a hurry.  I still have some stuff to take care of at the house, and in my brain.  I'm good and done at the office, though. :) It could be today... it could be in two weeks.  Who knows.  4 days until estimated due date, and no induction is planned as long as she is doing well...

I'm still feeling pretty good-- I can tell a difference in my back pain, and that's about it, honestly.  I'm not super uncomfortable.  I was pretty tired for a while, but the past few days I've not been (is that nesting? does that mean something?  EVERYTHING MUST BE ANALYZED). Pretty much I'm trying to tie up loose ends, stock the house with various whatever items (better buy toothpaste, might need some in the next million years), think of all the things I might need to think of and take care of...

Just didn't want y'all wondering if anything was up.  I can't promise I'll post something here too soon after she makes her debut, but I'll try (if you're my FB friend, as most of you are I think, you'll know as soon as crucial announcements have been made to family members). 

Month Ten

Well, here I am, good and pregnant, and have been such a negligent blogger.  I know I will probably regret not doing a better job of keeping track of the past several months, but honestly I feel like there's just really not that much to tell.  I know that sounds crazy, but things have been... uneventful. 

I like being pregnant.  I'm happier. I love feeling her move around.  I am going to be sad when I don't have that feeling anymore.  When I don't have her, all to myself, tucked up safe inside where I know where she is and what she's doing at all times.  When I no longer have so much control.

 There is only one reason I want her to come out any earlier than her due date, and that is so I can quit coming to the office. :)

There have been no signs that she's interested in coming out any time soon. I'm not dilated a bit.  Of course, they say that means nothing, I could still go into labor "at any time."  But I'm pretty sure I shouldn't expect her early.  Or on time.

I keep waiting for my nesting instinct to truly kick in, so I get the last little bits of her room finished. There are two pieces of furniture that need to be painted (Fella is supposed to do them, but I made the mistake of letting him know that my mom said that she and my stepdad would paint them if they remained undone when they get to town in 2 weeks, so I don't know if they will get done).  There are a few more of the THINGS that we need to have relatively soon.  Like a bathtub and baby wipes. And a few more of the things that we need less urgently, like extra bases for the car seat so all the baby's various chauffeurs have one. But we have all the things that are, like, REQUIRED.  The car seat, since they won't let us leave the hospital with her otherwise, and it would suck to have to leave her behind.  And we have a place for her to sleep.  And we have clothes, diapers, and boobs. Should be all set.

Can't believe how close it is.  Can't believe I'm about to be somebody's mother.  Can't believe that the whole world is about to morph and change color...

Thirty

Thirty weeks!  Thirty weeks already.  It's going so fast...

I want to clarify that when I said I never thought I'd be a SAHM, it wasn't because I didn't think I'd WANT to be, but because I never thought I'd be able to be.  I just grew up thinking moms worked (unless they were totally wealthy or something) and that's how it would be.  Of course, my own mother did not have that option and so I guess I didn't think of it.  I would LOVE to not work.  But it also scares me, for several reasons, including 1) whether it will be difficult to return to work if/when I want to and 2) depending on a man for income and having no money of my own FREAKS ME RIGHT OUT.  But I would definitely like to consider finding something that is 1) less stressful and 2) allows for part-time.  We shall see.  Fella is of the opinion that if I work for a few more years I could quit work forever, which sounds AWESOME, but I might rather quit for a few years now and go back later when she's in school.  Maybe?  Maybe we'll find a happy part-time medium.

So.  I heard on one of my pregnancy podcasts that you should sing your baby a song every day while you're pregnant, and they will not only know your voice, but the song itself and will recognize it after they are born and you should sing it to them again in the first hour after birth.  So I'm singing "Songbird," every day.  Usually while I'm in the shower (so the baby will probably only recognize it if the water is running, lol) and it just popped into my head when I tried to think of something to be The Song.  I hope she likes it.

We bought a rocker/recliner for the rocking/feeding, and new couches (actually a sectional) because we needed wanted them.  The crib is now assembled, which is a step in the right direction. We are painting the furniture that will go in the nursery next weekend (I've been saying that for a few weekends now, but really and truly NEXT WEEKEND), and the only thing we absolutely, desperately NEED is a car seat, since they won't let us take her home from the hospital without one. 

10 weeks to go...

Third

Third trimester, that is.

It's here. I can't believe it. This is going by too quickly.

I still feel pretty good. I've noticed an uptick in Tums consumption, I'm a little extra tired, my back hurts at night, and suddenly my work desk chair that has always been perfectly fine has started being uncomfortable (for my rear, not my back). Otherwise, no major complaints.  Oh! And restless leg.  Other than THAT, no major complaints.

My rate of weight gain has really picked up over the past couple weeks, but I'm still within the rough guidelines my doctor gave me.  I already have concerns about having a huge baby (please see Fella's birth weight of 10 lbs 12 oz) so I have been trying not to gain too much. 

I still haven't done the nursery.  It has always seemed we have had plenty of time, and now I'm suddenly quite anxious about it. Fella promises we will take care of it over Memorial Day weekend.  We need to paint furniture and put the crib together and move some non-baby stuff out of her room.  

I'm losing interest in work altogether.  Not a good sign for how well I'll be able to focus when she's here. Being a stay at home mom is not something I ever thought I'd be able do-- my whole life, I just assumed I would always work, and it's not still not anyone's first choice for our finances.  But considering how every morning I always wish I could stay home with Max and the kitties I can only imagine it will be worse when it's an actual human baby...

Otherwise life is just moving along... sometimes I feel like we're just sitting on the tracks and a train's coming through.  In 81 days. Give or take. 

Fail

Well.  I am a complete failure at even the blogging once a week thing. Remember when I posted multiple times a day? 

Anyway, I guess though there is a lot to tell, there's not much to tell.  Pregnancy is going smoothly, I am incredibly lucky in that regard.  My back hurts a little, yeah yeah, and pooping would be nice, but whatever.  I'm just along for the ride here, and it's not been a bumpy one.  We've chosen a doula, we take our babymoon this week, baby bedding has been delivered (though not unpacked, because the crib is still not put together and there is still a guest bed in the baby's room) and things are moving right along.  I can't believe that I'm almost done with my second trimester.  The time has gone really quickly.  And I don't want it to.

I like being pregnant (for the moment, I know, the third trimester will be different, especially the end, but I like it for now). I'm not anxious (way less than during wedding planning), I'm not physically uncomfortable, strangers smile at me in public, other attorneys are unusually nice to me, my friends and co-workers are overly accommodating when it comes to carrying things/taking the only chair/choosing the restaurant...I've gained exactly along the weight guidelines my doctor gave me at the beginning, I passed my glucose screen with flying colors, the baby is measuring right and kicking right and and doing EVERYTHING right so far (thank you God); I am pretty good at this pregnant thing.  I am a pregnancy ROCK STAR.  This thing, I got it handled, at least so far.  Now, when she comes OUT, that part will not be so easy to master, so can't she just stay in there? 

Oh Boy

It's a girl. :)

Funny, I spent the past four months convincing myself that a boy would be okay, boys are as awesome as girls, boys are BETTER than girls, that by the time I found out it was a girl I was confused and didn't know how to feel! 

Fella wanted a boy, I know, but he's still tickled (pink) and was already talking about how she's going to be Daddy's Girl. 

Speaking of Daddy's girl... One of the things I had thought about (at the suggestion of my counselor) in this whole "a boy would still be good" conversation with myself is that having a boy would allow me to reconcile some of the feelings I have about my own absent father and males in general, and would allow me to have a hand in raising a man that would potentially be a good father one day. To right the my father's wrong, so to speak.  In the doctor's office yesterday, I realized that having a daughter gives me the opportunity to give to her the one thing I did not have, because I know that no matter what happens, my little girl will always have her daddy.

I cried when I first thought that, when I told the story later to P, and again right now.  Hormones are crazy things, y'all.

Update

Tomorrow we find out the sex of the baby.  I can't believe it's already time, the time is FLYING and I haven't done much to get ready-- the room that will be the nursery hasn't been touched.  I have not bought a speck of baby clothes-- though I did buy some adorable little shoes, a changing pad/cover, jogging stroller and diaper bag at a consignment sale.  That's it. I am building quite the maternity clothes collection. It'll be easier to really feel like it's actually happening when I know the sex.  I think.

There's a lot of organizing I feel like I need to do at the house first, cleaning out and giving away and moving things around.  I haven't felt much like doing anything at all, but now the nausea seems to have finally past. Though I've been dealing with an upper respiratory thing for about three weeks which has made me less than eager to start stirring up dust in the attic.  Still, I need to do it before I get too big and exhausted to even try.

My peeps (parents, sister, BIL, niece) are coming for Easter, and I am excited about that. :) Haven't seen my sister since Thanksgiving and she is bringing me lots of baby stuff and we can go to the baby store and touch all the little tiny things and squeal together. :) 

It is March and I love college basketball, as you know, and Fella promised that if the Tigers make the Final Four we will go.  Of course, he did this because he is pretty certain that the Tigers will not make the Final Four... but I thought it would make an excellent babymoon trip. :)  So, GO TIGERS!

HOLY CRAP

In 159 days (approximately) I will be someone's MOTHER.  This is BLOWING MY MIND.

That is all.

Sex

Not that kind of sex, you perverts.  Gender sex.  I'm told "sex" is the properly used word in this case, as gender does not always match one's biological parts, and right now this fetus does not have a gender identity. Anyway.

It's 3 weeks til I find out the flavor of this alien in my belleh.  I think it's a boy.  I dreamed it was a boy, and I've had this feeling it's a boy.

But I'm not gonna lie.  I want it to be a girl.

I've decided this is because there weren't boys in my house.  Just my sister and I, we didn't have brothers, boys were foreign. Especially considering for some period it was just my mom, my sister, and me-- no boys allowed. Add to that my parents' nine grandchildren (my step-brothers have four kids each) and only one of the nine is male-- does that mean they're due for grandson, or does it mean we make girls in this family?  Whatever it means, it never crossed my mind that I might one day be mother to a boy.

My friends tell me boys are easier.  I have one friend with two of each, ranging in age from 18 to 5. She swears boys are, by far, easier- less drama, less mystery.

I say, boys get dirty and break things and bring frogs in the house.

One of my friends swears that little boys love their mothers, and are sweet and loving.

I say, boys are loud and boisterous and like to blow things up and then become teenagers and leave you to go hang out at some girl's house.

Of course, I will get what I get, and it's not like I'll cry (I don't think).  I will be happy with whatever baby I am lucky enough to have, especially if s/he is healthy and happy.  

But I never imagined a baby boy in all those imaginary pink dresses.

Knocked Up

So here's how it happened.

Actually, I'm gonna assume you all know HOW it happened, so I'll skip that part and get to the other stuff.

We had been trying since the wedding, and every month I was convinced I would get a positive pregnancy test, and every month I did not. I was taking my temperature, peeing on sticks for ovulation predictor kits as well as for my fertility monitor, and becoming best friends with my cervix.  Still with no positive pregnancy test. 

I am a control freak, and I am 38, so even though it hadn't been THAT long, I got impatient and called the fertility doctor in September.  I took the earliest available appointment, and it was set for the 29th of November. 

In November, I was not remotely optimistic.  For whatever reasons, I just didn't think it was the month. Every other month I'd thought was the month, but not this time.  In my head I was already thinking that if it happened in December, I'd be due on Labor Day and wouldn't that be cute.  I'm still not quite sure why I even bothered to take the pregnancy test that day (November 27th, two days before the fertility doctor appointment), but I did, and low and behold the damn thing was positive.  I took a couple, including the digital one that is impossible to misread.  And there you have it.  

It took a while for me to believe it, and to some degree I still don't.  For weeks I kept waiting for it to "go away."  I didn't tell anyone but Fella for a long while-- and then I only told my friend/boss in explanation for how I always seemed to want a nap.  I made it through Christmas with Fella's parents and another visit from them two weeks later without revealing the truth, and we finally told both sets of parents a couple weeks ago when mine came to visit.  

I don't still think something will happen, that it will go away.  But it's still not real either.

Even though I've seen this. This alien creature that apparently is IN MY BELLEH.

As for me: I've been feeling nauseated, but not vomiting. Yet (knock on wood). Considering my co-worker likes to remind me she didn't start puking til her second trimester...  Also, exhausted, which is waning now.  Now, I've got the HUNGRY.  I'm always HUNGRY.  And when I am HUNGRY there is nothing I can think about besides the fact that I am HUNGRY.  And sometimes the HUNGRY gets mixed in and confused with nausea, and I can't really tell which is which. I've been pretty lucky, though, considering, and I'm grateful for that.

I've got another 5 weeks til the big gender reveal, and in the meantime need to be figuring out all kinds of things.  I have not purchased a single baby type item, though I have bought quite a few Knocked Up Sadie items.  Got a lot of things to buy, a lot of things to think about, and a lot of things to wrap my disbelieving head around.

And keep reminding myself that I can do this thing. This big giant motherhood thing that scares that crap out of me.  Perhaps that's for another post...

In the meantime, have a sleepy dog.

Liar

I have lied to you, my readers.

There may be only a very small number of you now that I've pretty much abandoned this blog over time, but I know there are still a couple.  And I've lied to you.

In my earliest posts this month, I lied by omission.

In this post, I flat out lied when I said there's not much to say.

Cause there's a lot to say.

There's this. This happened. Back around Thanksgiving.

 

Oh, and this. This was last week.

So... yeah.  Just a little bit going on. 

Expected debut August 3, 2013.

Signed,
Sadie Sadie Pregnant Lady.  :)

p.s. If we are FB friends, please don't mention it there until I do.  Not broadcasting it there yet. Just feels too weird to do that, but I did need a place to talk about it, so that's why I'm announcing it here...