Why

Tell me again. Why am I doing this manitorium?

Is it to prove to myself that I CAN go 180 days without a guy?  Because I know I can.  I've done it before, I'll do it again, it's really not that difficult.  It does give me an excuse to go without a man.  "Sorry, guy I might have gone out with even though I'm not all that interested, I cannot date you, I am in the midst of a manitorium."  However, it's not like this happens a lot.  I can think of exactly twice so far. 

P likes to lecture me on how all I do is obsess about guys and that's why I'm doing this experiment.  Really? Cause, hello, I can still obsess like a champ.  Doesn't take an actual date with a guy to start my mind rolling.  Just because I'm not going to go out with that Hottie doesn't mean I'm not going to think about going out with him.

You know what? I miss kissing. A lot. I like kissing.

You know what else?  This manitorium has become an excuse for me not to put on makeup, do my hair, or care what I'm wearing.    This is nice on occasion, but it also leads to me, in full awareness of my less-than-gorgeousness, feeling less than gorgeous.  Which doesn't BUILD self-esteem at all. 

It does give me time, I suppose.  Time to read. Time to write. Time to watch too much television.  Time to eat Thin Mints. As opposed to what, though? All the sex I'd be having if I weren't doing the manitorium? Yeah, right.  You know what I'd be doing if I weren't on this manitorium?  Reading. Writing. Watching television. And eating Thin Mints.

It'd be nice to think that I'm not dating right now by my own choice, but I honestly would likely not be dating much if I were not doing this.  If anything, it would be occasional.  The only guy that I've met that I would actually have been really interested in is dating someone, so I wouldn't have gone after him anyway. 

I think this manitorium is turning out to be just a fancy word for "dry spell."

Nothing

Nothing. Nothing to blog about. Nothing is happening.

You know, I had an idea I'd write a book about the manitorium.  However, 42 days in, I have to say there would not be much to write.  No major self discovery.  No epiphany.  No aha moment.  Not really.  I know I should wait til the whole thing is over before I give up completely, but the first sixth of experiment has been less than exciting. And I've not had too much trouble, unlike 360, who has been asked out 8 million times since she swore off men.  Bitch. ;)

Speaking of the lovely and talented 360, she will be here TOMORROW.  I can't wait to take her out in Aspen and watch her bat the men folk away with a stick. :)

I'm recovering from some sort of sickness that presented itself as bronchitis, then flu, then sinusitis.  Whatever it was, I'm feeling so much better today.  Not 100% yet, but you know how when you feel really really ill, there comes that moment when you feel just well enough to be happy to be alive again?  And you can move your body without being in pain?  And you can take a deep breath without collapsing in a coughing fit? And you can blow your nose without needing to do so again in three seconds? And you just feel SO GOOD?  Yeah, I'm there.  It's awesome.  My throat is still sore and I sound very much like an old smoker, but I can deal with it.

Challenging

I am already seriously faltering with the Man-torium, and it's only Day 23 out of 180.  This whole idea goes against my nature so completely. Of course, that's why I need to do it.  But I do. Not. Like it.

A few months ago, T mentioned to me a guy he worked with as a potential date. I didn't bother to meet him for two reasons.  1) I didn't really think T would know me well enough to suggest an actual good match, and 2) He has the same first name as my first husband, which was just weird. 

So the other day I met him, not through T, just through coincidence.  And oh my.  He's cute. He's tall. He's really nice.  And immediately I began the thought process... how can I see him again? When does T work with him next to start planting seeds of how awesome I am?  Should I call him?  He was mildly flirtatious when we met, is that just how he is with people or did he like me? Was that he who called my phone but didn't leave a message? Blah, blah, blah, fishcakes.

P, under the defense of "helping me with my own goal," said that this is why I need to do the man-itorium (she's correct, of course), and got a chance to vocalize all the things about the "way I get" that get on her nerves.  She is my opposite, and because the way she gets doesn't come close to matching with the way I get, she doesn't understand at all.  For example, every guy that I have dated since I was about 19, I have imagined marrying. Honestly.  I didn't plan weddings or name children or buy bride magazines, but I always picture what it would be like to be married to that person.  With EVERY GUY I'VE DATED, or even thought about dating.  She has only, ever, imagined marrying T.  She's had a few long term relationships, but she never got to that point.  My pattern is unfathomable to her. And apparently irritating. I know she has my best interest at heart, but I'd like to see her give up sex for six months...

If this guy asks me out (a big if, because he's dating someone. Not seriously, but still), I know good and well that I will say yes.  But I'm trying not to pursue him.

And I'm running out of synonyms for "difficult" to be post titles.  I have a feeling I'm going to need a lot more of them...

Gay

You know what makes it easy to stop thinking about all my attractive male customers as possible dates?

No, it's not my Man-itorium.

It's Gay Ski Week.

Uneventful

So last Sunday was a difficult day for me. I went skiing with P and ran into a guy that I have been attracted to for a while. We barely know each other, but it took everything I have not to shamelessly flirt with him. It even crossed my mind to invite him to Denver with us (me, P and Todd) the next day to car shop for P. I didn't. But I wanted to. And not only that, but everywhere I looked there was another good looking man at whom I wanted to bat my eyelashes. It was a rough day.

However, other than that day? Not too much has been happening. I'm still noticing the cuties, I'm still checking left ring fingers. But I'm trying not to notice whether they notice me. It takes a lot of pressure off me to know that whether they ask me out or not, I can't go. So I don't have to TRY to make them ask me out. It's a little liberating. But not completely quite yet, I still have to remind myself of it. But it's only day 15...

There is a trip to Vegas looming. We're going in March for P's birthday... Fortunately, there will be other single women traveling with us so I won't feel like the odd woman out. But Vegas? With no flirting? Really? Sigh.

Five

It's Day Five of my Man-itorium. And it's easy. So far.

I am still checking ring fingers... then I remind myself that I don't care. I see a cute guy smiling at me and still reach up to straighten my bangs before I remember that I don't care. I thought about wearing my cuter, but less comfortable boots this morning... then I thought about how I don't care. I can dress warmly to ski with less concern about looking like the Pillsbury Dough Boy because, you guessed it, I don't care! A nice looking guy just struck up a conversation with me while I was getting a drink at work... and I chatted. But I didn't care.

Okay, I totally did care, but I'm telling myself I shouldn't. I might still look him up in my computer to see how old he is and where he's from (he's a fellow employee). But I swear, then I will proceed to not care.

No major revelations or self-discoveries so far. But I do have 175 days to go.

P.S. He's 27. :)