Anthrophobia

Fella likes to ask me questions about my day- he asks all about my co-workers, their spouses and lives, and always wants to know about my cases and clients. 

I don't know so much about his people.  Or his job.  Or his daily work life.  Not cause he doesn't want to tell me, I wouldn't think, but mostly I don't really ask. I mean, I ask if he had a good day, but I don't really get into things that happened at his office.  And lots of times he'll ask me questions about my friends or co-workers or family members, and I don't know the answer.  Especially about their spouses/friends and what those people do for jobs. This is not something I'm apparently too concerned with. 

His brain is always working to find a way to relate to people, to talk to them, to get to know them.  Mine... notsomuch.  If we are out in public, and from far across the crowded park or arena or restaurant, he sees someone he knows, he will go out of his way to make sure to say hello to that person.  Even if that person would never have known he was there, and isn't someone that Fella is super excited to see.  On the other hand, I will often literally HIDE from someone I know so I can avoid talking to them, even if I like them just fine.

I would rather send fifty emails or texts than pick up a telephone and call someone. I avoid telephone calls in my personal and my professional life.  Even my mother, my sister, P and Katie know that calling me is a waste of time, because I hate it. And I LOVE the Facebook and Twitter (and the blogosphere, obvs), but I avoid actual, in person conversation, and I don't relish (okay I loathe) social events and activities where I have to do my makeup and dress cute and then be friendly and cheerful with people that aren't in my intimate circle.

When I was younger I was always a people person.  I was the life of the party. I was everybody's friend.  So did I change? Or was that not the real me? 

And it's not that I HATE people.  I like people. I just prefer them to be not in my actual physical presence.  Unless they are people with whom I am comfortable enough to wallow on the couch, eating snacks, and (silently) watching TV.

So I guess it's all about the effort I'm required to expend to be around someone, and that makes me feel lazy, and then guilty for being lazy, but not guilty enough to change my laziness, because it is me and it is mine and it's what makes me happy.

Meme

Meme-ing again, because my brain is tired. Found this one over at the Ice Box...

1. What curse word do you use the most?

Hmmm. That's a good question. I have a mouth like a sailor.

2. Do you own an iPod?

I have two iPhones (one that works and one's that impaired) and an old iPod mini.

3. Do you still remember the first person you kissed?

Of course! I'm Facebook friends with him, in fact.

4. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?

Take the picture. Always.

5. Has anyone ever called you lazy?

Have you met me?

6. Has anyone told you a secret this week?

I'm a divorce lawyer. So... yes.

7. What is the first thing you notice about the someone to whom are attracted?

His brain.  Or his butt.  Whichever he shows first. (stolen from Songbird, because AWESOME.)

8. To what are you looking forward?

I'm planning a vacation with P in May.

9. Do you own any band t-shirts?

Do marching band t-shirts count?  Actually, I think I have one Daughtry shirt. ;)

10. When is the last time you slept on the floor?

The last time I remember was last April when the air mattress I was on deflated, and I couldn't be bothered to blow it up again.

11. What did you do last night?

Was very sad watching the Tigers. Then I went to bed.

12. Do you get along better with the same sex or the opposite sex?

Same. I think. I'm not sure there's a difference, actually.

13. Who was the last person to make you mad?

The person who decided that Charlotte airport only needed five de-icers.

14. To whom would you want to be tied for 24 hours?

Jake Gyllenhall might be nice.

15. T or F: All’s fair in love and war?

True. Love and war are my occupation.

16. What’s something you’ve always wanted?

A fairy tale ending.

17. Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?

Yes.  And I'm not just saying that cause she reads my blog. :)

18. Do you want a bright yellow ‘06 Mustang?

Lord no.  I don't look good in yellow.

19. Where is/are your best friend(s)?

Here and there.

20. Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?

I don't like swimming in either, really. Too many critters and creatures and plants. I like to LOOK at the ocean, swim in the pool.

Summary

Stole this from Andria.  I have stuff to tell, but I'm tired and can't gather my thoughts, so I'm gonna start with a meme.


1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?

Packed my shit and moved from Colorado to North Carolina.
Packed my shit again and moved from North Carolina home to Memphis.
Rented a whole house for just me to live in.  Well, me and my menagerie.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 

Partially. I don't know.  It seems like a waste.



3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Nope. I don't think.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
 
No.

5. What countries did you visit?

None other than my own.


6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Love (the romantic kind, I've got the other kind).  Extra money.


7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

April 20, when I left Aspen.  September 15, when I started this job.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Feeling this weird happy-peaceful-contentment thing I got going on right now.

9. What was your biggest failure?

The book I did not write. :(


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Not really. I had some sort of fluish thing last winter but nothing major.


11. What was the best thing you bought?

My iPhone 4. Love.


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Dude, MINE! I have been very well behaved lately.


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?


Sarah Palin.


14. Where did most of your money go?

Moving. Twice. And my debts.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My job, and my trip to NYC, about which I will be writing very soon.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

"The House that Built Me" by Miranda Lambert was my favorite song for a long time in 2010.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?

a...way happier.  WAY.
b....FATTER! By probably 5-10 pounds.
c....Richer. ;)

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Exercise (see #17b).

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Eat (see #17b).

20. How did you spend Christmas?

I was with my family for the first Christmas in years.  My niece didn't even wake me up too early! Saw "True Grit" in the afternoon.  It was lovely. :)


21. Did you fall in love in 2010?

No...

22. What was your favorite TV program?

LOST ended well, I thought. Love Glee. Grey's had a great season finale. 

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No.  I can't think of anyone I newly hate. I still hate the people I used to hate, though, pretty much.

24. What was the best book you read?

HP7. Again.


25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Hmmm.  Court Yard Hounds, maybe.

26. What did you want and get?

An iPhone 4, that I got up at 4am to have.

27. What did you want and not get?


A winning lottery ticket. An agent and publishing contract for my book (that I didn't write).

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

HP7.  Though it wasn't the best of the Harry Potters, it was my favorite this year.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I hit the big 3-6. I went to work. I went to Huey's for dinner with my peeps. I watched the Grey's Anatomy season premiere. Then I went to bed. It was a school night, don't judge me.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Winning lottery ticket... Handsome, rich, smart, funny husband...

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

I don't think I had one, honestly. But it was an interesting return to professional clothes and the South. Thoseh two things changed my hair (that was mostly the South), my footwear (professional) and the amount of makeup I wear (both things).

32. What kept you sane?

I'm not sure which thing it was... Geographical, Professional, Spiritual... all things work together for good. :)


33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I actually really like Adam Richman on Man vs. Food. :)
.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

DADT repeal. Yay!

35. Who did you miss?

P.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

There is a fella that might be the best new person I met, but it's too soon to say.


37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

You have to let go of one thing, sometimes not knowing what new thing you will find. You just have to believe that it will be there.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"There's a place that I call home, where the streets are paved with soul...
Like a sad old melody; cheers you up and sets you free...
There comes a time when muddy waters run rough
There comes a point when a man has had enough
Like a friend who always stands by me
Memphis knows me, Memphis shows me
How my life just had to be...

I couldn't even try to run away, say goodbye...
All I know is Memphis lives in me."

Decade

I've written a little about my lack of interest in dating lately, but I realized today that I have not been single in over ten years. I understand that is not a long time necessarily, but for me it just feels... like eternity. When I was last single, I was 24 years old. Just graduated college, starting law school. Not really an adult (am I now?). It's no wonder I don't know who the hell I am. It's interesting for me, given my recent realization that for the first time EVER (seriously, ever) I'm not looking for a boyfriend. It's not that I made a conscious decision to not date anyone, I just came to the realization that I don't want to. This is seriously a major milestone for me, and that may sound silly.

I'm not that girl that always had a boyfriend, at all. But I was that girl that always WANTED a boyfriend. I can't remember a time that I wasn't daydreaming about a guy. A specific guy, a famous guy, an imaginary guy that I just knew I would meet soon, there had to be a guy. Lately, I can't even imagine having a boyfriend. I'm not thinking about anyone. I'm not imagining meeting someone. I'm not daydreaming about finding someone.

It's WEIRD. And it's GREAT. I feel more powerful than ever, because for once I have the power-- I'm not handing it over to any man that comes along. I also feel more attractive than ever, because instead of thinking about getting a guy to notice me, I'm realizing that they do. It is so liberating to not worry about whether I'm going to get a date. Who cares? Not me. Not anymore.

I know I'll change my mind on this. One day I'll meet somebody that will make me reconsider my "no relationship" position. Or I'll realize one day that I am in fact ready, just as I have now realized I'm not. And that will be a good day too. But for now, only needing myself, my friends, and my family, I feel so much stronger and healthier and happier than I ever have.

Divorce can be a good thing when it allows you to realize that you're not defined by someone else. Especially when the someone else is a lying, cheating, narcissistic asshole.

Did I say that out loud? ;)

Birthday

So, today's my birthday. And just for fun, I was re-reading the first birthday post I ever did, back in 2006, 100 Things About Me. I've edited it along the way since then, removing references to my ex-husband. Now I kinda wish I didn't. It was who I was on that day, and now that picture of me at that time is gone. Many of the other things are different now, as well, as time does march on. So maybe I should do a new list to update some things. I'll stop at ten, cause I don't have time to get to 100 before my birthday is over. Maybe I'll work on adding to this list over the next few days.

1. I no longer own cars named Bruiser and Harriet. Now I am the proud owner of Charlie, a Honda CR-V.
2. I still like the way Merlin smells. Dobby smells different. Not bad, certainly, just doesn't have that same scent.
3. I've discovered that I don't mind being barefoot anymore. I think it has to do with the difference in hardwoods and carpet.
4. I'm still non-confrontational, but I'm definitely getting better at standing up for myself, and I'm FAR better at walking away and not giving a damn.
5. Haven't been much into Hot Tamales in a while. I have discovered actual tamales made by a Mexican lady at my work are HEAVEN.
6. I have a new-found love of tacos. Like at home, Ole El Paso tacos. I've always LIKED them, but recently have come to know true love.
7. I really did like Memphis. Still do. I miss it. But I truly don't feel an urge to move back.
8. I am madly in love with Colorado.
9. I still would like to learn about photography. I have checked out a few books from the library and am reading websites to learn how to use the camera I already have (aside from just "auto") and someday I hope to have a nice DSLR.
10. I don't have to watch TV before bed anymore. I had no cable in the bedroom for a while, and I was reading NEWSWEEK every night before bed, and that worked. But I do have to read or listen to something that will distract me from my own brain.

So...

Not much is happening. And this post may be all over the place, my brain is jumping around.

I actually like my job, though the pay is really really low. I'm going to start writing wills on the side for extry money. Anybody need one? Also might get a part time job in the winter for extra money and hopefully a ski pass.

I've been thinking a lot about things. About the place I live, and what it is about it that has sucked me in and seduced me so much. And no, I haven't figured out what it is. One thing I've been thinking lately is it's not so much about getting to the future here. It's just about living right now. And while this is concept I have a lot of trouble with, I'm fascinated by it. I like it. And I'm trying to adopt it... but I'm also tugged by thoughts about how long I can keep up this lifestyle, etc. And of course there's a difference in being present in the moment and ignoring the need to plan for the future. I've got some thoughts about what I may do, but I'm not ready to publicly share them yet.

The mornings here are already chilly. Below 40 for overnight lows. Crisp fall air is sneaking in, and I love it. Many people around here are sad to see summer go, but fall is my favorite. Can't wait to wear tights and boots and sweaters and scarves, and watch football games. I was standing outside last night, listening to the aspen leaves rattle. They make such a different sound from other leaves. It's because they have flat stems or some such thing. But anyway... I just love the way that sounds. And the stars, with the twinkling. And they shoot across the sky all the time. I don't think I'd ever seen a shooting star before I came here.

It feels funny to fawn over the nature. I don't bike or really hike (I've done ONE this summer) and I'm not outdoorsy at all. But I've never in my life just enjoyed being outside. Don't get me wrong, I'm still the couch potato you've come to know. I spend more time inside than out. But I do like being outside here. Of course, the low humidity helps a lot.

Speaking of low humidity, I recently found this in-shower lotion (not body wash, it's actual LOTION) and I love it so far. Thought I'd share for you readers in dry locations.

Thanks for all the responses to my last post. It was interesting to read what everybody thought. I don't regret the way I handled things then, because I believe that whether I shared or not I was going to end up divorced, so it doesn't make that much difference. Calling people out and getting ugly wouldn't have helped. And I might share a thing or two along the way, I'm still dealing with it all, sorting out my feelings, and figuring out how to make myself stronger.

I'm trying to talk to the Universe, manifest the life I want, appreciate the life I have... and I do have a lot to be grateful for. I am happy, really, which may seem strange given the circumstances of my recent past. I have a great roommate who is a great friend, pets that I love, good friends, a loving healthy family, a roof over my head and food in my belly. For the first time I can remember (really) I'm not daydreaming about finding a man. While I'd love to get paid more at my job (and who wouldn't?) I like my life. And that's the best thing ever, isn't it.

Interesting Inspiration

So. This morning I read this post on one of my favorite blogs, Boobs, Injuries, and Dr. Pepper.

And it made me wonder. Not that my situation and Crystal's are the same, they are quite different... but it was similar enough to make me think... Back when my life was a ruckus... when my (now ex) husband was having an affair... should I have posted about it?

I'll tell you why I didn't... My mother and sister read my blog, and I didn't want them to know what was going on (I didn't want them to hate him, in case he and I worked it out). Also, I knew that my husband's girlfriend and her friends read this blog, and I didn't want to feed them any information. About my marriage, my life, my self. I got a few mean nasty comments from them on unrelated posts, so I figured that anything I wrote about the affair wouldn't have been taken well. And the last thing I needed at the time was to be attacked. I found myself writing posts with the intent of showing that they weren't getting to me. That's why I started a "secret" blog at one point... to try to maintain my ability to truthfully blog. But along the way I lost the love of blogging... it had just become tainted.

Later I wished I had told the truth... maybe if the girlfriend and I had shared information, even if only by her reading my blog, he would have gotten away with less bullshit along the way. Maybe not, but maybe I would have felt more like a strong woman instead of an emotionally abused victim.

By the way... VERY few people knew what was happening with me. I did not tell my family, or even my VERY BEST FRIEND (who was also getting "weird" comments and had no idea why). So the only people that really knew were HER friends. I told a few people on an message board I visited every day, and one work friend, and it probably saved my sanity. Now, of course, everybody knows. Many people are still flummoxed about why I stayed so long, why I put up with so much. And I don't have a good answer for that. Or much of an answer at all.

I'm not going to get into details about it now. It's all past... She and I have forged a relationship of a sort. She has apologized to me, and I told her that what happened wasn't okay, would never be okay, but I accepted her apology. But I did want to talk about what I was feeling TODAY. I'm going to try to get back into that habit. Blogging was so much fun, and I want it to be again.

Down

Sigh.

Can you see down here? Waving to you? No, down HERE... in the dumps.

Let's see... what's been happening in my life.

Max came to live with me, which was a very happy occasion.

I went to Las Vegas for the first time! Had a girls' weekend with some friends I hadn't seen in two years... I had such a good time. I laughed and laughed all weekend... til my face and my sides ached. I didn't gamble a penny, but I ate GREAT food. We sang and talked and giggled and danced. It was really an amazing time.

The next Monday when I returned to the office, I was let go. So much for a return to lawyering. I was stunned, but didn't have much time to really think about it because the next day I was having a houseguest arrive from Tennessee.

The houseguest was an old, old friend of mine from college. We dated then, and never really had an angry breakup or anything. Over the years we'd stayed in touch, but never were single at the same time and we never tried to take things further. Until now. We started talking, and decided we'd give this thing a shot... The loss of my job threw a bit of a curve into the plan for a care-free week, but we still had a relaxing visit. But... we're not so much giving it a shot anymore. And that's another story that may or may not see another day.

I'm not really sure what I'm doing. In any area of my life. I got offered a hospitality job, but it doesn't pay enough for me to do much more than survive, given my rather large debt payments. I love this place I live... but I don't know how I can possibility afford to stay here. On the other hand, it's not like a job is easy to find anywhere else.

I have a lease here, and a roommate whom I do not wish to abandon or screw over. I have a law degree not being put to use. I have a pile of debt that makes me sick. I'm never going to make a dent in it if I don't find a job that pays better than I'll likely find here. I want to get my shit together, pay off my debt, and try to put a personal life together one of these days. Denver would be my preference right now... I am contacting some firms and recruiters there in an attempt to find something, though no one is very optimistic.

Again I am faced with trying to figure out what I want. And I just don't know. I don't. If anybody else out there has a clue, let me know.

My Favorite Things

Since I've been so lazy about posting, I thought I'd tackle this one, found on Stacy's blog a really long time ago.

Sport: Hoops
Game: Trivial Pursuit
Color: Brown (I know, that's weird)
Movie: Pride & Prejudice (Kiera Knightley version)
Broadway play I have seen: Tony and Tina's Wedding (actually off-Broadway, but I've never seen a Broadway straight play, only musicals)
Broadway Musical I have seen: Les Miserables
Song: favorite song ever? How to choose? Current favorite song is "Single Ladies" by Beyonce.
American city I have visited: That's tough, too. NYC, I guess.
Foreign city I have visited: I wish I remembered more of the cities I visited, they all went by in a blur of 16 year old sleep deprivation. Forced to choose I'd say Moscow. That's the one I remember the most.
Book: I don't have one favorite book.
Children’s Book: What's the one that ends with the man holding his mother in the rocker? THAT one.
Classic television show: is Friends classic?
Recent television show: LOST
Actor: George Clooney
Actress: Kate Winslet
Perfume: Burberry London
Food: pizza
Dessert: chocolate ice cream
Chain Restaurant: Outback
Local Restaurant: Riverside
Car: Honda Accord
Condiment: A-1
Kitchen Appliance: dishwasher
Home Appliance: HDTV
Beauty Product: mineral powder foundation
Piece of clothing: black yoga pants
HGTV Show: Moving Up
Food Network show: None
Author: John Grisham
Male Songwriter:
Female Songwriter: Lori McKenna
Holiday: Christmas
Ballet I have seen: I saw Swan Lake in Moscow, that was pretty cool.
Disney character: Pooh
Flower: peonies
Alcoholic drink: non-beer? Iced tea with Peach vodka. Or actually, it's better if it's peach tea with regular vodka.
Non-Alcoholic drink: Crystal Light pink lemonade
Magazine: Real Simple.
Animated movie: Finding Nemo
Television network miniseries: Hmmm.
Season: Fall
Male vocalist: I'm enjoying Jack Johnson right now.
Female vocalist: Carrie Underwood
Day of the week: Saturday
Household Chore: folding laundry
Ice Cream: Chocolate
Candy: Hot Tamales
Artist: I don't have a favorite.

Layers of MeMe

Layer One:
- Name: Sadie
- Birth date: September 23
- Birthplace: Memphis, TN
- Current Location: Rocky Mountains, CO
- Eye color: Green
- Hair Color: Brown
- Height: 5′ 9"
- Righty or Lefty: Right handed
- Zodiac sign: I'm on the cusp between Virgo and Libra. But I'm totally a Libra.

Layer Two:
- Your Heritage: Southern Mutt
-The shoes you wore today: Knee high lace up brown boots. They're hot.
- Your weakness: I have several, including food with cheese melted on it, a certain smile, and overspending.
- Your fears: being submerged in a vehicle is my greatest fear.
- Your perfect pizza: I've recently discovered I like artichoke hearts, maters and ham.
- Goal you’d like to achieve: getting out of debt.

Layer Three:
- Your most overused phrase on AIM: I use google talk, but probably "k."
- Your best physical feature: my waist/hip ratio.
- Your most missed memory: If I'm missing a memory, how can I know I'm missing? I don't get this question.

Layer Four:
- Pepsi or Coke: Coke, but Diet Pepsi
- McDonalds or Burger King: BK. No doubt!
- Single or group dates: Single
- Adidas or Nike: Neither. I wear Saucony.
-Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Neither. I don't make iced tea at home.
- Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla ice cream, chocolate shakes
- Cappuccino or coffee: Plain old coffee, if at all.

Layer Five:
- Smoke: Never
- Cuss: Frequently
- Sing: Alto. I'm a belter; some notes I can only sing if I really push em out. Which pretty much means you don't want to be in the car with me when I'm singing full out, cause it's LOUD.
- Take a shower everyday: Just about. I only wash my hair every other.
- Do you think you’ve been in love: No, I KNOW I've been in love. Several times, in fact.
- Want to go to college: Yeah, done with that. I like learning new stuff but I don't like classwork or papers.
- Liked high school: Notsomuch.
- Want to get married: Believe it or not, yes. I'm still a believer.
- Believe in yourself: Most of the time. I'm working on that.
- Get motion sickness: Rarely, but it does happen.
- Think you’re attractive: Sometimes I think I'm HAWT. Sometimes, I don't even want to look in the mirror.
- Think you’re a health freak: No, I know I'm not
- Get along with your parents: Yes, my parents rock.
- Like thunderstorms: I do. We don't get many here, though. Certainly not compared to Memphis.
- Play an instrument: I play the flute. Or I did, anyway. I haven't tried in a while. I would like to find an outlet so that I don't completely forget how, but there aren't any community bands or groups around here.

Layer Six: In the past month….
- Drank alcohol: Yes
- Smoked: No
- Done drugs: Only the prescription ones
- Made out: No. :(
- Gone on a date: Yes
- Gone to the mall: Not really. There's a little mall that I snuck into but I don't think it counts.
- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No
- Eaten sushi: Yes, actually.
- Been on stage: No
- Been dumped: No
- Gone skating: No.
- Made homemade cookies: No.
- Gone skinny dipping: dude. It's ELEVEN degrees.
- Dyed your hair: Yes
- Stolen anything: *Sigh* Yes. I stole a lip gloss.

Layer Seven: Have you ever….
- Played a game that required removal of clothing: Don't you people know me well enough to know that OF COURSE is the answer to this question
- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Again. Of course.
- Been caught “doing something”: Actually, not that I can think of.
- Been called a tease: Yep. Jerk ass 16 year old boy. Would have gotten further if he'd been sweet.
- Gotten beat up: Nope.
- Shoplifted: See "lip gloss" above.
- Changed who you were to fit in: Not to fit in with a crowd, but to fit with a boy, yes.

Layer Eight:
- Age you hope to be married: I've learned enough not to try to set a deadline
- Names of children: Merlin and Dobby
- Describe your dream wedding: I don't know... maybe here in the mountains.
- Where do you want to go to college: I went to U of Memphis, as you know. I don't really ever wish I'd gone to any other particular school, though sometimes I wish I'd gone to a location far away, just to be someplace different
-What do you want to be when you grow up: I wish I knew
- What country would you most like to visit: Italy. And France. and Ireland. And Germany, Switzerland, England, etc. And that's just Europe.

Layer Nine:
- Number of drugs taken illegally: Only marijuana. But it is a gateway drug, you know. Kids: drugs are bad.
- Number of people I could trust with my life: Very few
- Number of CD’s that I own: Not very many. I ripped them all into iTunes and sold the cds.
- Number of piercings: 1 in each ear, plus 1 in my belly button.
- Number of tattoos: 2. And I don't exactly still love them.
- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: A couple, for letters to the editor I wrote. And when I passed the Bar. And in high school when I went to the USSR.
- Number of scars on my body: Several, I'm clumsy. None are surgical, though.
- Number of things in my past I regret: Oh. That's a tough one. Who's to say, though, where or who I'd be if I hadn't done some of the things I've done?

99 Things Meme

Here's one you've probably seen before, most recently from Lois. The items that pertain to me have been bolded and italicized:

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit- several. It counts if you're the attorney, right?
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

A to Z

Borrowed from Sera Strawbridge:

• Accent: In Memphis I was always been told that I don't have one, but out here people can hear it, on some words stronger than others. Even here, I am still told I don't sound very Southern. When I talk to my family or friends it gets stronger.
  
• Breakfast or no breakfast: I used to skip breakfast but now I eat a bowl of Special K or I get really really really hungry.
  
• Chore I don’t care for: I hate cleaning out the fridge. Leftovers will remain in my fridge forevah.
  
• Dog or Cat: I love both, of course. Currently living with two kitties.
  
• Essential Electronics: iPhone, DVR
  
• Favorite Perfume: I really like Burberry London in the fall and winter. I don't remember to spray it on very often, though.
  
• Gold or Silver: Silver.
  
• Handbag I carry most often: I have two that I currently use: one is black and the other brown. I tend to fill my purse no matter how big it is, so I try not to carry big giant bags anymore.
  
• Insomnia: Not too bad. I take 3mg melatonin every night, and I use a sound machine, and lately I've been listening to my iPod until I fall asleep. I used to watch TV until I fell asleep but I stopped that because I didn't have cable in room for a few days and discovered I could sleep without it. IF I have the iPod, that is.
  
• Job Title: I am perhaps the only two-state-licensed-attorney Lead Concierge in the world.
  
• Kids: Not now, please. Not exactly the best time.
  
• Living Arrangements: Just moved into a one-bedroom apartment with quite a lovely view of the mountains and the ranch next door.
  
• Most Admirable Trait: Wow. Um... Apparently it's modesty cause I can't think of anything.
  
• Naughtiest Childhood Behavior: I really wasn't bad. At least, not so bad I can think of much.
  
• Overnight hospital stays: Never.
• Phobias: Being submerged in a vehicle.
  
• Quote: "All roads lead to truth, though some will take you there a whole heck of a lot quicker than others. Be honest with yourself."
  
• Reason to smile: Obama won!
• Siblings: I have a sister.
  
• Time I wake up: Depends. I was sleeping way too late when I was working 1pm-9pm, but switching to the day shift, getting up early for the moving, and the time change all helped set me back to about a 7:30 wake up without an alarm. This is a first-time occurrence for me, and I expect that it will slip back to normalcy before long. Normalcy = dragging myself out of bed after hitting snooze three times with barely enough time to get to work.
  
• Unusual Talent or Skill: I don't have any that are unusual, my skills and talents are all pretty... usual.
  
• Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Brussels sprouts. Hate.
  
• Worst Habit: I’m a teeth clencher. Awake, asleep, doesn't matter. I'm clenching.
  
• X-rays: Had lots of head/jaw X-rays when I was getting treated for TMD. I have had a few on my wrist before I was diagnosed with ulnar impaction syndrome (my ulna bone is too long and bangs against other wrist bones, also ripping my ligaments, the only remedy for it is bone shortening surgery. Yeah.). That's about all I can think of. Oh, I broke my baby toe in 9th grade.
  
• Yummy Stuff: Cheese. Beer. Pizza. Pasta. And cheese.
  
• Zoo Animal I Like Most: Tigers, of course.
  

More meme!

… another meme shamelessly stolen from Sera Strawbridge. I'm totally pilfering all her ideas.

1. Name something you have in common with all your siblings?
I have one sibling and two step-siblings. The only thing we ALL have in common is our parents. My sister and I have a lot in common. We look alike, we sound alike. We both like sports. We both have advanced degrees (she's an MD) that don't get regularly used (she doesn't work full time, and I don't use mine at all presently).

2. Do you fold your underwear?
Nope.

3. Who is the last person you wrote a letter to on paper?
Holy crap. A cover letter with my resume, probably. I can't remember the last personal letter I sent.

4. What was your first job?
I was a hostess and then a waitress at The Dutch Pancake House in Memphis. I still don't know how I managed to get up at 6am every Saturday and Sunday that summer.

5. Aside from Driver’s Ed, who really taught you how to drive?
My mom. I don't remember ever having "lessons" though, I just learned by watching and then by doing. I did take Driver's Ed, though.

6. What did you do today?
I woke up, watched a little news, took a shower, make-upped and hair-styled, then drove less than a mile to work. And now I'm at work.

7. Are you emotional?
Used to be. Lately I'm not. I think my crier is broken. Or worn out, perhaps.

8. Have you ever had the same dream more than once?
I have had recurring dreams about being chased. They're not the same. I haved also dreamed about being back in school (usually high school) and sometimes it's my high school, sometimes I'm at a new school. Eventually, in the dream, I realize that I graduated high school already and don't have to be there, and the dream always ends. I haven't had either dream in a long time.

9. If you were in an emergency situation and you had to deliver a baby, could you?
Heck, I dunno. Would I have a cell phone where I could call my sister the doctor for instructions? Or 911? Or anything? I could catch a baby if everything went according to nature's plan, I suppose.

10. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Last night I bought two bottles of wine to take to dinner at a friend's house.

11. What is on your refrigerator door?
Nothing. On the SIDE of my refrigerator is a calendar, my work schedule, some of my favorite Notes from the Universe, and a NFL schedule.

12. Name something you have to do tomorrow.
I have to go vote early. And also go through boxes and purge stuff. I'm moving into a different apartment and I need to get rid of some things.

13. Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?
Nope. No way.

14. What are you wearing?
A brown suit.

15. What was the last thing you ate?
Special K.

Might as well Meme

I borrowed this from Sera Strawbridge who borrowed it from Ajooja who borrowed it from LeSombre.

1. Who did you last shoot a dirty look at?

Huh. I can't really think of doing that.

2. What kind of car do you drive?

Harriet, a white 1998 Land Rover Discovery. She has some power steering problems, but she's my faithful and trusty friend. :)

3. Have you ever had a garage sale?

Only once in my adult years. I can't remember if I made very much money, I just remember that it SNOWED in MEMPHIS on the one freakin' day I was going to have it. Talk about a business killer. I had to repeat it the next weekend and had it indoors because I'd already moved out of my house, so everything that was left was for sale.

4. What’s for dinner tonight?

I don't have any idea. Maybe homemade pizza.

5. What is the last drink you drank?

Crystal Light Pink Lemonade.

6. Last time you were sick?

In May I had a terrible, awful, no good, very bad respiratory infection. Hacking cough, completely stopped up nose (to the point I made funny nose noises when I tried to swallow), etc. It was not cool at all.

7. Are you happy right now?

Yeah. Mostly. Lots of changes are happening in my life right now, but I'm rollin' with it.

8. What is your favorite key chain on your keys?

It's a Memphis purse hook thing. I can't find a place that's selling it still, although I've seen them before at Tiger Book Store and Tennessee Sports Zone.

9. What is in your pocket?

My lip gloss.

10. Who is the last person you had a phone conversation with?

The last non-work-related phone call was with a co-worker of mine who just found out that the baby he and his wife are expecting is a girl. Yay, girls!

11. What’s something fun you did today?

I slept late, that was fun. Actually I woke up super early (like 5am), laid there for a couple hours, and finally fell back asleep.

12. What are you going to do after this?

I need to be sorting through my stuff and packing boxes (I'm moving again), but I'll probably sit in my comfy chair and clear out my DVR. That's much more appealing.

13. What is something you need to go shopping for?

I need some new flannel sheets and a long winter coat.

14. What was the last thing someone you love said to you?

"Hope it's worth it!" said by my friend Pebbles (totally not her real name) who just drove 12 hours to visit her boyfriend. ;)

15. What is a compliment you receive way too often?

No such thing!

So Much For That

I really intended to blog regularly. But I see it's been 10 days...

I guess I'll answer some questions that were asked about my entry before last...

Nope, no golf in the winter. ;) The course will be covered in feet of snow, so the Members can cross country ski or snowshoe on it. The Club gets very slow in the winter, except at the holidays. We are not right on a mountain, so we don't get a huge ski crowd. The summers here are CRAZEE because we do a lot of golf and fly fishing. I'm looking forward to the winter, though, it'll be a nice long break.

And yes, Neila, you bad girl, I have seen two celebrities, but neither would I want to "get happy with" for one night... ;)

And I do have both kitties with me, but not Max. I miss him a lot, but I wanted him to be happy, and I thought his living situation would be better where he is than if he came with me. But every day I very much miss his sweet face. I thought that I would be able to get some time with him on occasion, but that doesn't seem to be agreeable. :(

So Much To Say

Cue Dave Matthews Band, cause I do have so much to say. The life I am living today is almost unrecognizable compared to the last time I posted. I'm not going to get into ALL of it (yet), but I have been absent for so long I have been missing this blog, my blog peeps, and the catharsis of writing every day. So I thought I'd update you a little on what's going on in at least one area of my life: my job.

I'm not practicing law anymore. I left my law firm in May (for a variety of reasons, which I'm not going to get into here), and took a job at a private golf club/resort as Lead Concierge/Hospitality Manager. And you won't effing believe it, but....

I LOVE IT.

Believe me when I tell you that no one is more surprised than me! I thought I didn't like people! I thought I didn't like being friendly! I didn't think I'd be particularly good at it, that's for sure. But you learn something new every day. And I am in love with this place. It's not perfect, no place really is, but from the very beginning I have felt at home here, the kind of "home" and belonging feelings I haven't felt since I walked the campus of University of Memphis. I have moved into an apartment on the property, and every day when I head up to the lodge where I work, I look at the incredible landscape and think to myself how lucky I am to live and work here. It's something of which I don't tire at all, and it makes me feel happy and grateful and blessed.

Just to briefly address some other aspects of my life (or really, one major aspect), to head off questions my regular readers (are you still out there?) will have, though most of you know the answers: I live alone in my apartment, and will be re-naming this blog. That should be enough information for now on the state of things in my personal life. If you have blog name suggestions, let me know. I could just put a "NOT" at the end of the title. Or an "UN" in front of "married." I hate to give up my URL. ;)

Weaknesses

Ask anyone that knows me well my weaknesses, and if he or she is honest, the two things most likely to be named are as follows: 1) I am financially irresponsible/have a spending problem/fail miserably at living within my means, and/or 2) I fail to apply myself/have a crappy work ethic. These two traits rear their ugly heads in my life repeatedly, and I know that until I figure out how to tackle them, they will continue to do so.

These are certainly the two things that I dislike most about myself. Several times, I have recommitted to a budget, or some financial plan. I start listening to Dave Ramsey and I get all fired up about being debt free. But it doesn't last, and I fail. I revert back to my standard status quo-- keeping my head barely above water, when there is clearly enough money to make ends meet, but I continue pushing the ends further apart. Finding a solution to this problem is all on me... it will just take commitment and dedication and a real decision from me to make it happen. And I do believe I'm ready for that.

However, work ethic is a much more difficult problem to solve. How does one change her work ethic? I have asked this question before. Those people with a good work ethic don't know how to answer me, because for them it's just natural. The advice is usually, "well, you just do it." Oh. That's easy, right? Actually, I understand this, because I have trouble explaining something that I easily understand to someone that struggles with the idea. It just makes sense, why don't you get it? I know that's how people feel when they talk to me about working hard.

Or they love their jobs so much that it's easy. "Find what you love," they'll say. Dude, I love snacks and television. "What have you ever gotten excited about or worked hard at?" they ask. This is an interesting question, because truly, the hardest I've ever worked in my life was in law school. But even that is misleading, because, again... I didn't work that hard. Law school is not memorization and rules. It's ideas and ways of thinking, and I just got it. I just understood. But I loved it. I loved getting called on in class when I knew the answer and no one else did, because I'm just that big of a dork. I loved surprising my friends who didn't think I was all that smart because I'd played dumb for so long to make my idiot boyfriend feel less stupid. I liked irritating the Type As in my classes who studied constantly and didn't do as well as I did. That's what I liked. How do I turn that feeling into a career, I ask you?

Do I find something that I just get? Something I do well? Something that comes easily to me? Whatever it is, I haven't found it yet. But I'll keep looking.

So here's what I want to know... those of you out there with strong work ethic-- and you certainly know who you are-- any hints for me? Is it something you were born with? Something that you ever even think about? Is it borne of necessity, nurture, or nature? Can you give me some step by step instruction? Some secret motivating idea? Anything at all?

$50,000 Question

Trav tagged Morgen and Morgen tagged me for this meme. Here's what the meme is about:

A philanthropist awards you $50,000 with the stipulation that you may use half of it for yourself and the other half you must use for the benefit of others. By "benefit of others" it can mean anything really, buying a gift for a family member or donating to a charity.

My note: "you may use half of it for yourself." That means that I don't have to use ANY of it on myself. But I will. :)

A. How do you spend the money on yourself?
Honestly? Paying off debt. And maybe throw a vacation in there. To someplace tropical and fruity and all-inclusive. But that would include Mr. Incredible, so it would partially in the "for others" category...

B. How do you use the money for others?
I'd make donations to animal shelters and places like House of Mews in Memphis.

I'd also take my sister and my mom on a "NYC in the fall" trip like we've been planning for ages and never taken. But since I'd go too, that would be partially for myself. There is much overlap here.

C. If you were to spend part of your money to have a performer do a show for you, who would it be and why?
What kind of "show" are we talking about here? Cause Chris Daughtry would be involved.

D. If you were to use it on a new vehicle for yourself, what kind?
I don't know. I like our two current vehicles. Maybe I'd trade Harriet for a Honda Ridgeline. Again, I'm working in a $25,000 limit, right? Cause that's extremely, well, limiting. Since Mr. Incredible would really really like the Ridgeline, does this come under the "for others" side?

E. If you spent part of it to go to a "fantasy" camp, what type would you choose?
Is there country music singer fantasy camp? Cause that's what I would want. That would kick ass.

F. If you were to use it to buy season tickets for a sports team, what team would it be?
MEMPHIS BASKETBALL TIGERS. Of course, that would only be partially for myself, because my friends would get to use them when I didn't, which would be all the time, because I live 1500 miles away. But I could use them whenever I want to visit. So that counts as not for myself. How bout the Denver Broncos? That'd be sweet. And make Mr. Incredible happy as well. See how this is working out, both of those purchases could come out of the "for others" category.

G. If you were to use it to go on a cruise (assuming you like cruises) where would you cruise to?
Alaska. Or Greece. Or maybe around the whole world. Damn, I wish dude gave me $50 million instead of just $50,000. Cause I could cruise a lot farther on that.

H. If you were to use it to go to NYC to see a show (or shows) what would you see?
Current shows? Er... Dunno. I haven't been paying proper attention to new shows in a while. I want to see Wicked. And pretty much if it's a Broadway Musical, I want to see it. Les Mis is my all time favorite, but I've seen that eleventy times. Though never actually ON Broadway, so maybe that would make it all complete.

I. Totally off subject (but since Fall is coming) what is your favorite carnival food?
Pronto Pups, no question.


I was not given instructions on how many to tag, or even that I HAD to tag. So... I'm leaving this one up for grabs. If you wanna play, have at it!

Manic Monday: Seven Lies My Mother Told Me

Today's Manic Monday word:
Lie.

I have gone from being meme queen to meme slacker lately. Mo always tags me, and I always LOVE it. When he doesn't tag me, I always self-tag. But lately, you know, I've been a busy bee and I have just been entirely delinquent. So. Since he did this meme to redeem his past non-meme-doings, I'm taking up on the same deal. I'm supposed to list ten lies that my mother told me.

Plus, it fits with Manic Monday, so yay!

Here we go!

1. 
   

Dude. Blogger's license. I'm going to flip this around and do lies I told my mother instead. It's just way easier. And I'm still struggling to come up with ten. Because I was such an honest kid. :)

1. "Can you sign this piece of paper? I'm making an autograph book and I need your autograph." After which I wrote, above her signature, some sort of something for school. I can't even remember what that was for.
2. "I have to do a book report for school." Yeah. I was in 2nd grade, and I didn't have that assignment. I just wanted to do a project. I even made up the book too. As eternal punishment for that lie, while I was working on it I stabbed myself with a pencil and still have that little piece of pencil lead in my hand.
3. "There will be a chaperone." I totally went to an honor band weekend senior year at Tennessee Tech with no adult supervision. Our band director didn't even go. Just four of us in one car and we got our own hotel rooms. And you know the dorkiest part? We actually went to the honor band. And didn't miss any rehearsals. Dorks.
4. "I'm spending the night with Denise."
   
5. "We fell asleep watching a movie, that's why I missed curfew."
6. "I already did my homework." Look, I know these last two are pretty standard and everything, but seriously. How many lies can I be expected to fess up to in one post?
7. "Yes, I made the car payment (on the loan you cosigned)." Sorry about that one, Mom. I didn't know they'd call you and threaten repossession the week before Christmas.
   

Sorry I just came up with 7. Either I was a very honest kid or I have selective memory...

Six Sleepy Things

I was tagged for the Six Sleepy Things Meme by Morgen.

So, here are 6 things I do to go to sleep or while I'm asleep:

1. I always watch TV for a little while. I turn the sound off and turn on the closed captioning so Mr. Incredible can go to sleep. If I just try to fall asleep, my brain starts thinking about too much and wakes me up, but if I watch TV I can trick my brain into focusing on that until I fall asleep.

2. We use a sound machine. Otherwise there are too many small noises that distract us and wake us up. Regular white noise works, but we most often use "hard rain" or "ocean waves."

3. I do a lot of running and kicking in my sleep. I don't ever wake myself up or anything, so I'll have to take Mr. I's word for it, but he says it happens most often if I'm asleep on my back with my knees bent. If he notices me sleeping like that he'll straighten out my legs so he doesn't get kicked. :)

4. I sleep with a pillow between my knees. I also sometimes put one under my stomach if I'm sleeping on my stomach or on my side. It keeps my back from hurting. Or at least I've convinced myself it does, I don't know if it actually helps.

5. We started taking Melatonin a few months ago and it really makes me sleepy. It makes me a little hungover, though, so I only take half. Mr. I. likes it too. But my mom took it, and it made her wired. Weird.

6. I keep a tube of Burt's Bees on the nightstand, because I hate waking up in the middle of the night with chapped lips.